Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Dreaming of Hootie

I was half asleep the other night when I started dreaming about Hootie, of Hootie and the Blowfish fame. Well, I'm not sure I really needed to clarify that. I mean, how many famous Hooties are there? And yes, I know his name is Darius Rucker but I'm going to call him Hootie just like everyone else does. Dammit.....now you made me lose my train of thought. Where was I?

Oh yeah, so I was half asleep and having this dream. In it, Hootie was dressed up as a cowboy. As he strolled along, he played a guitar and sang about food. Behind him, a woman was picking chicken sandwiches off of a tree as two sexy milkmaids danced and spilled a creamy, white liquid from the buckets they held. As if that weren't strange enough, there were people paving the streets with cheddar cheese bricks - and you just have to know that's going to cause all kinds of traffic problems when the sun starts to beat down on them. Finally, somewhere along the line, the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders popped up. So with these visions dancing in my head, I drifted off to a contented sleep to dream of beautiful women, good food, and barely tolerable music.

Anyway, the next day, I was watching TV when the new Burger King commercial came on and I realized that it hadn't been a dream at all. As I looked on in horror, all I could think was "Hootie? Is this how bad things have gotten?" He should have called me. I could have hooked him up with some birthday parties or something - anything - that would have allowed him to maintain his last shred of dignity but, alas, its too late now.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. It's a sad, sad time indeed, my friends.