Monday, July 18, 2005

The Week in Pictures VII

This is my first attempt at posting via e-mail, so it will likely be either be a dramatic failure or a spectacular success. If it's the former, it'll probably go unnoticed as dramatic failures fit right into the general theme of the blog. If it's the latter, I'll probably stop publishing since I can't imagine being successful twice in one lifetime.

Taking advantage of the evacuations spurred by Hurricane Emily, a group of lesbian pirates stormed Cancun, Mexico and claimed it as their own.

The ASPCA and PETA issued a joint statement today calling for the government to pass legislation to protect animals from discrimination based on interspecies dating.

After over 2,000 years of trying, the Mongols found a way to breach the Great Wall of China. In a modern day twist on the Trojan Horse, the persistent nomads gave the Chinese government giant ramps as a gift, and then used those ramps to send skateboarding warriors flying over the blockade into, uh, the middle of nowhere on the other side.

"This is it?" asked one. "After all of these years, it hardly seems worth it."

Italian designer Giacomo Alvino released his latest design during his Fall/Winter 2005-2006 Haute Couture collection show at Rome's Fashion Week. While this outfit retails for a reasonable $3,000, the price does not include care and feeding for the person walking behind you covering your breasts.

The French military celebrated Bastille Day in the traditional manner by surrendering to the first foreigners they came across.

As part of Disneyland's 50th Anniversary celebration, Mickey Mouse will pose nude in the September issue of Playgirl magazine. His publicists also hope that this will put to rest rumors that his high pitched voice is the result of castration.

Anna Nicole Smith is engaged again. Shown here feeding her husband to be, Smith claims that she is deeply in love with the 103 year old man, and is not merely looking to get her hands on his billion dollar estate.

This week's gratuitous picture: Rosario Dawson.

Crushing debt brought on by his extravagant lifestyle forced Michael Jackson to sell his Neverland Ranch. It was purchased by Johnny Depp, who has since bleached his skin and begun hosting sleepovers with young boys.

Meanwhile, Jackson took what his attorney called "a well deserved break" at an undisclosed Caribbean resort where he frolicked in the sand with his new beau.

Researchers studying dragonflies were amazed to find that the insect's erratic flight pattern is not designed to evade predators as originally thought, but is instead the result of heavy marijuana usage.

Doctors in Pamplona , Spain have unveiled a new hemorrhoid surgery that they say eliminates the problem without requiring a visit to the doctor's office. The procedure is still awaiting approval in the U.S. but could be here easy early as next year.

In the Tour de France, a desperate Lance Armstrong retained his hold on to the yellow jersey by holding off competing cyclists at gunpoint.

When questioned by authorities, Armstrong claimed that the devil told him to do it. Though initially suspended for his actions, Armstrong was exonerated by a picture taken by a fan just minutes before the incident took place.

New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick may miss training camp while he undergoes treatment for a mysterious ailment that's caused three knuckles on his left hand to swell to massive proportions.

Brazilian beach volleyball star Larissa Franca finished a disappointing 74th place in this week's "Rate Your Own Ass" contest at Venice Beach...

...placing her only one spot ahead of last place finisher Kerri Walsh of the United States.

Destiny's Child was in the news again this week when the dry ice fog they were using caused them to freeze to the metal poles that lowered them to the stage at the ESPY awards. Rather than delaying the program, quick thinking organizers used the trio as stage props for the remainder of the show.

And finally, the filming of "Deliverance II: Ned Beatty's Revenge" concluded today with the climactic scene in which Beatty's son, played by Ed Norton, kidnaps the prized piglet of the man who raped his father and makes it "squeal like a human."