Friday, August 05, 2005

The Week in Pictures X

A swimmer in Washington barely escaped with his life after he attacked by a flock of wild rubber ducks. He was unable to positively ID his attackers as they had cleverly disguised themselves by wearing dark sunglasses.

Over at the White House, President Bush learned how to sign his name this week.

"This is a significant milestone for the administration and represents the culmination of five years of hard work." said White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan.

Later that day, the President flew to his ranch in Crawford, Texas where he answered reporters questions, including one who asked "How big do your balls have to be to do the things your administration does?"

Meanwhile, Australian Foreign Minister Alexander Downer and U.S. Deputy Secretary of State Robert Zoellick sparked an international incident after settling a drunken bet about who's manhood is bigger by dropping their pants in the midst of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations forum.

In London, former cartoon star Magilla Gorilla called on Prime Minister Tony Blair to free the detainees being held without charges in the London Zoo.

In space news, Pluto and Neptune collided last week causing a massive planetary traffic jam that backed up orbits for several hours.

Astronaut Stephen Robinson was forced to undertake another emergency repair mission after NASA engineers expressed concern that the Shuttle's persistent and unexpected erection could cause problems during re-entry. Robinson was able to correct the problem with a hammer and some ice water.

Despite his heroics, Robinson was voted off of the Shuttle later that day after his team lost an immunity challenge.

Meanwhile, Astronaut Wendy Lawrence admits that she may have overpacked for the two-week mission, but defended her actions saying "Anyone who's ever watched Star Trek knows that you can never be sure who you're going to run into in space. I just wanted to be able to dress right for every occasion."

This week's gratuitous photo: Eva Mendes

Acting on an anonymous tip, authorities in China stormed an illegal baby growing farm, seizing over 1,000 baby plants were seized in the dramatic pre-dawn raid.

GM unveiled the Hummer H4 this week. The vehicle boasts a price tag of $379,000 and gets a whopping .006 miles per gallon.

And finally, in sports the Oompa Loompa Fighting Chocolateers lost their 87th consecutive game this week by a score of 168-0. Owner Willy Wonka is said to be mulling over a coaching change in the hopes of providing a much needed spark to the team.