Friday, August 12, 2005

The Week in Pictures XI

NASA officials announced this week that the Space Shuttle Discovery accidentally ripped a hole in the sky upon re-entry this past week. They plan to conduct a daring spacewalk during the next mission in which an astronaut armed with a giant needle and thread will attempt to repair the tear.

Syrian born artist, Hala Faisal, protested the war in Iraq and the occupation of Palestine by appearing in New York's Washington Square Park in the nude with anti-war slogans written across her body in both English and Arabic. Observers pledged to support whatever cause she wanted as long as she promised to put her clothes back on.

A new law requiring all horse owners to clean up after their animals took effect in Tibet this week.

Emergency workers at a local beach were called in to rescue a man after his children became overzealous as they buried him in the sand while he slept.

The International Balloon Festival was cancelled after a swarm of giant bees punctured several of the hot air balloons awaiting takeoff.

Chinese officials announced that a 100 year old woman from the Guangdong province gave birth to a healthy baby boy six months ago. The new parents are thrilled with the unexpected child, especially now that he eats the same baby food as them.

This week's gratuitous picture: Eva Longoria

Recently divorced Christmas icon Santa Claus ran into trouble with the law when he attempted to win a drunken bar bet by stripping down to his underwear, starting a blizzard, and parading down a London street holding a stolen donkey.

Harry Potter fans rejoiced when they were told this week that the seventh and final book in the series will be released one page at a time over 682 days and at a cost of $5 per page. The book is tentatively titled "Harry Potter and the Fortune He Made for Me."

A trio of cattle rustlers were arrested in Jackson Hole, Wyoming when their scheme to steal a prize bull went awry and the animal wound up floating into a nearby atrium.

Rap sensation Baby Face Killa returned to the studio this week to start work on his new CD tentatively titled "Too Young to Crie."

Russia's Anna Pyatykh barely escaped harm after torrential downpours turned the long jump pit into quicksand. Fortunately, she was able to grab onto a nearby branch and pull herself out.

Meanwhile, the wet weather caused a runner to blow a shoe emerging from the starting blocks in the men's 1500m. He came to rest on the infield after flipping over several times and causing a six runner pile-up.

Meanwhile, in an effort to draw more fans to the World Athletics Championships, the IAAF has introduced several controversial new events including the Poltergeist mile,

The 400m blindfolded stumble,

And the men's 100m funny run.

And finally, the long running romance between Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz may soon be over. Friends of Timberlake say that he's concerned about the way Diaz has let herself go lately.


Alright folks, I'm off for a week of fun, sun, and drunken carousing. If I can make my way to a computer - and am somehow sober enough to type when I do, well, then I'm clearly not having a great vacation. Take care and I'll see you all soon.

Oh, and anyone wishing to bring me a going away present can do so by coming down to in Kennedy Park in Hempstead, NY any time between 11 a.m and 3 p.m. where I'll be playing my pre-trip Sunday softball game followed by about 7-8 beers. Come early as I expect the line of well wishers to stretch for miles.