Friday, September 09, 2005

The Week in Pictures XIV

We begin once again in Gulf Coast region where authorities are finally regaining control after the chaos created by Hurricane Katrina. Survivors say that looting had become so rampant that even noted pacifist Jesus Christ snapped when his recently opened "One of a Kind Handmade Woodcarvings, Paintings, and Weird Stuff" warehouse was threatened.

If you haven't already done so, please consider donating to help the recovery efforts.

NOAA officials observing satellite images of a Hurricane Ophelia off the Florida coast were amazed to find that the state borders are actually visible from space.

Editor's Note: Braleigh, LmaC, Sandra, Trevor and other Canadian visitors may substitute the following caption:

MSC officials observing satellite images of a Hurricane Ophelia off the Florida coast were amazed to find that the province and territory borders are actually visible from space.

In other news, Russian President Vladimir Putin and German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder announced their engagement.

As Apple unveiled their newest iPod, the Nano, conservatives blasted the marketing campaign for the product, calling it "unnatural" to pose black and white Nanos together and saying that each Nano should "stick to it's own kind."

Police arrested the mastermind behind the canine brothel that they shut down last week after a wild chase that ended when the stolen shopping cart that he was using to escape crashed, throwing him from the vehicle.

Our lesson of the week comes once again from the woman who's too wonderful for words, High Desert Diva: How To Fake Being A Foodie*

As if women need to be coached to fake things around me...

*Let's be honest, here. Every week's lesson will likely be provided by HDD. She is, after all, brilliant.

Collectors are snapping up copies of this month's Vanity Fair, which features of cover shot of the only known picture of Paris Hilton actually covering up her breasts.

This week's gratuitous picture: Charlize Theron

In sports, the heavily favored dragonfly gymnastics team continued their preparations for the 2005 Insect Olympics, which are being held next month in the Florida Everglades.

Meanwhile, Olympic officials are considering adding a "cloud walking" competition to the 2008 Summer Olympics.

The inaugural "80-story Smoking Torch Race" ended in tragedy when all four runners died after slamming into the sidewalk that marked the finish line.

England's Andrew Flintoff attempts to duck a bouncer, which hit him on the head, from Australia's Brett Lee during the first day of the fifth test in the Ashes series at The Oval cricket ground in London.

Erm, I have no idea whatI just wrote there....what I meant to say was this:

England's Andrew Flintoff was booted from the national cricket team after repeatedly ducking and screaming "Not in the face!" whenever a ball was pitched to him.

In baseball, Boston Red Sox pitcher Mike Timlin and first baseman David Ortiz found an new, and vaguely disturbing, way to celebrate a recent victory against the Angels.

Bonus gratuitous picture: Elisha Cuthbert

This is my way of making up for the emotional trauma caused by the Mary Kate Olsen incident from a few weeks ago. Well, there's that and the overwhelmingly positive response her picture got last week.

Health officials are re-empahzing the importance of safe sex after a man spontaneously exploded while disease ridden Tara Reid was performing an oral sex act on him.

And finally, at a midtown news conference, newly rechristened rapper 'Diddy' symbolically marked the removal of the 'P.' that he says was getting between him and his fans by guzzling a bottle of it.


Okay, this is your last chance.

The softball championship is this Sunday at 8:30 a.m. at Kennedy Park in Hempstead.

I have to say, I've been disappointed by the lackluster turnout from y'all. Would it kill you to buy a plane ticket?

Win or lose, I should be pretty drunk by noon.

All in all, it not the worst way to spend a near-autumn Sunday.