Friday, September 23, 2005

The Week in Pictures XVI

As Hurricane Rita continues to gain strength, President Bush assured the country that his administration is prepared for any outcome. In a speech yesterday, he said "The American people have to understand that we have the hurricanes on the run. We're keeping them on the run. One by one, the hurricanes are learning the meaning of American justice..heh, heh. "

He went on to add that "We're going to find the problems and fix them, 'cause we're problem fixers. heh, heh. Then we're going to find the things we're doing right and we're going to keep doing them, 'cause we're keep doing the things we're doing right-ers. heh, heh."

In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, the NFL forced the New Orleans Saints to play their "home opener" at Giants Stadium, leading their coach Jim Haslett to openly question the fairness of the decision and several Saints players to privately do the same. When asked about the controversy, Saints fans in the New Orleans area generally replied "I just lost every damn thing I own and I'm living in the f*ckin' Astrodome. Do you think I give a sh*t about a motherf*ckin' football game?"

Meanwhile, in New Orleans' famous French was I talking about again?

In an effort to attract new customers, low-fare airline JetBlue is promising exciting underplane fireworks shows during each successful landing.

Inspired by the success of Water Taxi businesses, a local entrepenuer has launched the world's first Water Bus company.

Keepers at the Bronx Zoo have prescribed Viagra for one their male elephants after he experienced trunkile dysfunction while being orally serviced.

A Los Angeles woman suffered severe back injuries after wearing a silver necklace presented as a birthday gift by her boyfriend, who had misheard her request for "baubles."

Tragedy struck today in Oz, where the granddaughter of the infamous Wicked Witch of the West was killed when a house landed on her pickup truck during freak tornado. Ironically, she'd taken shelter in the vehicle only moments earlier to get away from a rainstorm that threatened to melt her.

Researchers in Manhattan have begun a study to determine just how much alcohol a woman must consume before she'll consider talking to me. So far, every woman has passed out before reaching that point.

Designers in Japan have unveiled the latest models in ultra-trendy hearing aids.

This week's gratuitous picture: Salma Hayek

Aging former Rebel Alliance Leader Princess Leia, still wearing the bandages from her recent plastic surgery, was among the celebrity attendees at London's Fashion Week.

On to the shout-outs:

Our song of the week is Foolproofby Ron Sexsmith (see sidebar)

Our favorite post of the week is festinog's: Go West Young Man

Our laugh out loud moment of the week comes from Glitter whoshowed us the real meaning of the Chinese characters onRock Star: INXS winner J.D. Fortune's shirt.

And back to the show:

Inspired by INXS' rebirth, one-hit wonder group the Crash Test Dummies, who are for some reason still putting out albums, also announced that they've signed a new lead singer - 67 year-old Wanda Fisher of Dubuque, Iowa.

Michael Jackson is being sued by a man who blames the "king of pop" for his inability to find acting work. The man, who died in 1857 and was reanimated in 1983 to be an extra in the "Thriller" video, says that he's been typecast as "nothing more than a dancing zombie."

Clay Aiken and Michael Bolton were among the celebrities that signed a Harley-Davidson motorbike being auctioned on e-Bay to raise funds to benefit those affected by Hurricane Katrina.

In a related story, Harley-Davidson is suing to stop the sale of that motorbike saying that any association with Aiken and Bolton will cause irreparable harm to company's brand name.

Screenwriter Tess Smith - who nobody has ever heard of before now - showed her solidarity with Katrina victims by showing up on the red carpet at the Emmys wearing rags.

As baseball's regular season winds down, out of contention teams such as the Chicago Cubs are using this time to evaluate youngsters from their minor league systems.

It turns out that Italy's stunning victory at last week's Soccer Ballet World Championships became possible when the favored Ireland Gaelic Football team's Premier Danseur fell while attempting a grand Fouette en tournant during their performance.

The United English Premier league football match between West Ham and Fullham was delayed after West Ham's Marlon Harewood was injured after slipping on a banana peel that had been carelessly left on the field.

And finally, we close with a picture of my most recent purchase - a lifetime supply of condoms...erm...actually, I'll probably only need about half of these, so the other three are up for grabs.