Friday, October 28, 2005

The Week In Pictures XXI

TBCTMJF(I)FNR has just completed it's first week of existence, and I'm proud to say that we've already made significant progress towards our goal of making me the world's most famous person.

Let's take a quick look around the world...

United States
It started off with a bang when I finally achieved the honor being added to the prestigious NP4J's blog links. From there, things took off. Later that day, Doug mentioned me in the same paragraph as New York's famous Naked Cowboy. Meanwhile, in our nation's capital, Alice has been diligently passing out "that's MR joe to you, bitches!" t-shirts to everyone she meets.

Australia
Jen has thus far refused to have anything to do with the project, thus reaffirming her intelligence and good taste.

South Africa
Soffy not was not only nice enough to write a blog post about me, but I believe that she's on the verge of convincing her father to throw the support of the German Mafia in South Africa my way.

Europe
Ultratoast has developed a plan to penetrate the House of Commons in London with a JOE IS THE MOST FAMOUS BIPED t-shirt and flag combo and then to wear a t-shirt saying RANDOM THOUGHTS GOT ME CAUGHT during the trial.

Canada
For the first time, Random Thoughts has a theme song, courtesy of the head of the Space Program Trevor - a man who is soon to be famous in his own right. LMizzle former member of the duo Wham! and current editor of the world-renowned "Scrapbookin' with Giant Robots" blog also dedicated an entire post to me - even referring to me as the bee's knees (a higher honor simply doesn't exist).

For a while, I even thought people were following Braleigh around simply because of her JEMG (Joe Equals MY God) shirt and the brochures she hands out, but it turns out that people simply follow her because she's Braleigh (rumor has it Al Pacino is among her biggest fans). Apparently, they show their devotion to her by (in no specific order):

Having terrifying dreams about her that will result in years of psychotherapy;
Ordering her to stay out of their neighborhood;
Pummelling her until her organs liquefy, and;
Showing her the bicycle tattoos on their respective asses

All things considered, it was a stunning start for TBCTMJF(I)FNR. Keep up the good work, everyone!

Now on to The Week in Pictures...


President Bush received another embarrassing setback when he fell asleep in the midst of delivering a speech yesterday.


U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald added insult to injury when he took a few moments during the press conference announcing Scooter Libby's indictment to speculate about the penis size of the Vice President's former Chief of Staff.


Exxon Mobil Corp. Chairman and CEO Lee Raymond celebrated his company's huge third quarter profit surge by having plastic surgery to add three extra chins.


Struggling carrier United Airlines announced that they plan to take advantage of this spring's Midwestern tornado season by offering flights to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"...


...this after their planned addition of routes to the moon failed when it turned out that the planes were too large to land there.


Landscapers in Florida have begun planting trees horizontally after discovering that it not only makes them less susceptible to hurricane damage, but that homeowners find it preferable since it makes it easier to prune branches and rescue trapped kittens.


As part of it's ongoing downtown revitalization process, New York City has given the Statue of Liberty a much needed makeover.


Snowpeople in Vermont are walking the picket lines after negotiations to provide workers with their choice of breast implants or paid vacations to Florida broke down.


The Headless Horseman died after he was brutally mauled by a polar bear shortly after leaving his home in Sleepy Hollow.


Famed blogger Ultra Toast Mosha God tested his newly purchased motorcycle by challenging a fellow traveler to a breathtaking race through the English countryside.


Unfortunately, Ultra lost the race when was overtaken just one mile from the finish line after his bike ran out of gas.


Before we get to the song of the week, I'd like to take a moment to apologize to Jesus for mocking Him in a recent story about His carpenter days. I was not aware that He owns and operates a successful construction company in Seattle. I sincerely apologize for any pain and distress I may have caused him.*

*Note to Jesus' attorneys: Is that enough to convince you to drop the defamation of character suit?


This weeks song of the week is "Sumthin' Sumthin': Mellowsmoothe Cut" from the Love Jones soundtrack and is dedicated to UfB in light of her comments regarding her love for Maxwell.


Gratuitous picture of Monica Bellucci

In our final installment of the doggie brothel saga, we take a look back at what's happened to a few of the key players in that scandal.


Co-defendant Scotty Whiskers recently took a job as a valet at an upscale restaurant in New York's affluent Westchester County.


Former enforcer Spike recently began work as a security guard at a pumpkin patch where he keeps overzealous children from depleting the holiday supply.


And the alleged brothel mastermind "Slick Willie" is back on the streets, pimping in New York's Times Square.


One famous presenter was virtually unnoticed as she walked past a throng of fans waiting outside of the Hollywood Awards Gala Ceremony in Beverly Hills.


Of course, she was immediately recognizable when she emerged from make-up a few hours later.


Following the lead of WNBA MVP Sheryl Swoopes, Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen came out of the closet by kissing one of his players as they celebrated on the field after their World Series clinching victory.


Few were surprised by the revelation in light of the frequent "friendly massages" he gave former Tampa Bay Devil Rays teammate Jose Canseco...


...or the kiss he tried to give an umpire during a heated (and passionate) argument earlier this year.


Meanwhile, most of the White Sox attributed their surprising run to the championship to the mascot and good luck charm that they took turns hanging in their lockers throughout the season - former Journey lead singer Steve Perry.