Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Alphabet Soup

I thought at some point life was supposed to get easier. Sadly, that's not the case.

To begin with, that post about my family seemed to take a lot out of me. No only did I not write for a while, but I couldn't even bring myself to re-read what I'd written nor could I even look at the comments (sorry Jeanne).

Needless to say, when I read the comments, I was overwhelmed by the many kind words and support. I'm truly humbled and grateful to "know" so many wonderful people and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the compassion shown by all of you.

On another note. They're actually making me work these days. Can you believe it? If I'd known they were going to do that, I would have asked for a higher salary. On the bright side, our busy time doesn't last all that long (and let's not have any wiseass remarks about me not lasting long from any of my ex's that might read this), so I should be back to blogging regularly by next week.

That should be reason enough for you to avoid this blog.

All of that said, let's move on to today's post. Some time ago, the incomparable MJ (last seen driving nearly 175 mph in the Vegas area) and I were talking about writing challenges. Somehow, we got on the subject of trying to write a story in which ever sentence uses the next letter of the alphabet. Here's what I came up with.
"Arrrrrrr, matey" said the first mate as he strolled up to the Black Ted, the Pirate Captain.

Black Ted sighed.

"Can you please stop repeating that line over and over?" he asked.

"Don't know any other pirate words, Captain." replied the first mate with a shrug.

"Eloquence is the key to being a successful Pirate Capitan, so if you want to progress you'll need to learn. For example, I have to say port and starboard instead of left and right. Gunwales is another word you'll want to know."

"How do you know all of that stuff?"

"I've been sailing the seven seas since you were in diapers, matey" said the Capitan with a wink.

Jolly Roger fluttering, they sailed off into the sunset.

"Kill those bastards" cried the British Navy Admiral as he spied Black Ted's ship through his...erm...spyglass.

"Let's get 'em" shouted his crew.

Mainsails hoisted and other sailing stuff readied, they set off in pursuit.

Never in history had there been a more exciting chase at sea, but the British ship was the fastest in the world. One day later they had pulled even.

"Pull over" shouted the Admiral, momentarily confused about the proper protocol.

"Qunice in the hole!" shouted the pirate gunner from below decks.

"Run!" Shouted the Admiral as he and his men took cover from the hard apple like fruit flying across their decks.

"Surrender!" bellowed the Black Ted.

"Truce?" queried the Admiral, peering over the keg of rum behind which he'd taken refuge

"Unthinkable!" parried Black Ted as he swung across to board the British ship.

"Viola!" he cried as he tore off his pirate disguise, revealing the secret he'd never told anyone - not even his crew.

"What?!?" exclaimed the Admiral, rubbing his eyes in disbelief.

Xanthic colors danced before his eyes as he looked in awe at the beautiful woman standing before him.

"You never guessed that Black Ted was really me, your sister, in disguise!"

Zelda laughed maniacally as she threw one last quince at his head, knocking the Admiral senseless and leaving his ship leaderless and ready for plunder.

Of course, that wasn't enough for MJ, who requested - actually demanded - that I write a story in which each word began with the next letter of the alphabet:

A baby cried. Downstairs everyone froze.

"Go help."

I jumped, knocking Lilly's mother, Nancy, over.

Peter queried Rachel. "She's there?"

Upstairs, Violet wet-nursed.

Xena yawned.

She's a cruel taskmaster, that MJ is.

Anyway, carry on. There's nothing left to see here. Come back on Friday for the next installment of the Week in Pictures, and an update on the progress of TBCTMJF(I)FNR.