Friday, November 18, 2005

The Week in Pictures XXIV

After the crushing failure of TBCTMJF(I)FNR, Joe has gone off into seclusion leaving his blogging responsibilities to me - his alter-ego - for the time being.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to write here, so I may as well start by giving you the real scoop on him. For starters, you know that annoying little self-deprecating thing he does all of the time? I know you think he's trying to be humble, but the reality is about a million times worse than even his jokes would leave you to believe. I mean you should thank God you don't really know the guy, because his comments don't even begin to describe what a complete and total loser he is - and I don't just mean his personality (such as it is). I could go on for days. His looks are enough to frighten babies, he's as dumb as a box of rocks, and don't even get me started on his hair - or what's left of it. I mean, I haven't seen a retreat that fast since Saddam Hussein left Kuwait.

And don't even get me started on that whole 'L' thing that some of you have been asking about in the comments. Let me tell you how pathetic this guy is...

Crap...I think I hear him coming. Do me a favor and scroll down quickly before he sees this....

After propositioning every Christian woman in America, Former President Bill Clinton announced that he's converted to Judaism in an effort to open up new opportunities.

Thousands of Pirate Gnomes hit the streets of New York this week during their version of fleet week.

In a shocking story, it was revealed this week that Albert Einstein - shown here with his 22 year old girlfriend - transplanted his head onto a robot body and has been living in Japan since 1955.

All 17 people who bought tickets to the Devo's most recent tour have filed a class action lawsuit accusing the band of using impostors to perform their shows.

Gratuitous picture of Gisele Bundchen

In a nod to soaring gas prices, Batman announced that he's traded in the Batmobile for a more fuel efficient Volkswagen Beetle convertible.

Scientists in the Amazon are have begun a massive Rogaine spraying program in an attempt to curb the rainforest's rapidly receding treeline.

The Chilean government has begun building an extraterrestrial casino that they hope will lure foreign money into their struggling economy.

And now it's time for our video of the week:

The prototype of a cheap and robust laptop for pupils has was showcased for the first time by MIT's Nicholas Negroponte at the UN net summit in Tunis. When pressed, Negroponte sheepishly admitted that the machines cost only $100 because people won't pay more than that for something so ugly.

Unable to afford a fountain for their town square, Barcelona residents have begin taking turns forming a human tower and urinating on the people below.

After several months of complete nighttime darkness, meteorologists in Cape Town were able to coax the moon from it's hiding place behind a cloud bank by using an ingenious lure that mimicked a female moon in heat.

The song of the week is "You and Me" by Lifehouse (see sidebar)

Editor's Note: When taken together, there's only one person in the world that this song and the video of the week could possibly describe.

In entertainment news, Mary-Kate Olsen's publicists announced that the actress has dropped out of NYU to spend more time with her own kind.

In animal news, this guy walked into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender looked up and said "Where did you get that ape?" The guy replied, "That's not ape, it's a duck". The bartender said "I was talking to the duck".

Later on, the guy walked into another bar. The bartender who's seen just about everything said "What can I do for you?" The duck replied "You can start by getting this guy off my ass."

Now it's your turn to join in the fun. Write your own caption for this picture.*

*Please note that this man is wearing an ibis on his head - not a duck.

The current craze for custom cross breeds has lead to the world's first Beaglephant - shown here with his father. The mother is reportedly doing as well as can be expected after giving birth to something three times her size.

Zookeepers in the Berlin Zoo are having a brown bear fitted for contact lenses after he repeatedly copulated with a tree trunk.

A pair of scholars in Greece have published a paper claiming that ancient sailors weren't drawn to the irresistible charm of the Sirens' song. In fact,they theorize that the creatures couldn't sing at all, but were instead just "extremely bendable."

And finally, the New York Knicks are off to a difficult start this year. Many of the players attribute their struggles to new coach Larry Brown's insistence that they wear blindfolds and use "the force" to win games.