Thursday, December 01, 2005

The Week in Pictures XXVI

Yes, I'm early again this week.

However, our office holiday party is tonight (though why we'd have it this far in advance of the holidays is a mystery) and if history is any indication I won't be in much shape to come to work tomorrow. Besides, if I don't start using some of this massive volume of vacation days I've accrued, who will?

Anyway, I've decided to declare tomorrow a new holiday. It's called Thanksmas...

or Chrisgiving...

...or something like that.

It's icon will be a turkey in a Santa suit who carrys a bag of gifts and a hatchet (which he uses to chop the heads off of rival turkeys).

To be honest, the details are a little fuzzy at the moment, but I'll work on it and get back to you.

Now on to the week in pictures:

As part of Bush's global war on terrorism, all foreign visitors to the United States will be forced to wear face paint displaying their country's flag for the entire length of their stay.

Two brazen robbers mugged Frosty the Snowman in broad daylight, making off with his old silk hat, corncob pipe, and button nose, but mysteriously leaving behind his two eyes made out of coal.

As winter approaches, authorities are reminding people in cold climates to remain vigilant against ice shark attacks which can occur any time and anywhere.

While in warmer climates the standard warnings about sand monsters - known to sometimes conceal themselves behind small dunes on the beach - are still in effect.

Sadly, Mohamed Syahrul Sami of Malaysia failed to heed these warnings and was subsequently devoured by a sand monster during the long jump competition.

Australia qualified for the World Cup for the first time in 32 years largely due to their innovative style of play which consisted largely of screaming like banshees and charging at their opponents en masse until the other teams were too tired or frightened to complete.

Big Bird moved from Sesame Street to a newly constructed development across the highway where he hopes to live a "more normal life" without being constantly harassed by Snuffleupagus.

Just hours after kidnappers released this footage of a baby panda they were holding...

...a Panda SWAT team hiding in the nearby foliage stormed the hideout and freed the hostage.

Our song of the week is "Miracle Drug" by U2 (see sidebar)

After laying low for a few months, Rapper Busta Rhymes appeared in town this week.

As did singer/playwright Elton John.

New studies show that unicorns were, indeed, real, but were hunted into extinction by trappers who sold their precious hides for use in making windows, eyeglasses, and beverage containers.

This week's gratuitous picture is of my niece Katie.

Isn't she a cutie?

Video of the Week (press play to watch):

And now an update on the Santa stories that we told you about last week:

Stung by his wife's criticism and concerned about his inability to conceive an heir, Santa Claus visited a fertility clinic which released this picture of the jolly old elf's sperm.

Immediately after the tests were completed, Santa fired all of his elves and replaced them with Victoria's Secret models.

And finally, Santa is forgoing lumps of coal in the stocking this year in favor of abandoning bad boys and girls in shark infested waters.