Friday, December 09, 2005

The Week in Pictures XXVII

I woke up this morning to a dusting of snow on the ground and a cacophony of television news1 reporters breathlessly telling me about this fluffy white stuff falling from the sky and speculating that it could mean the end of life as we know it.

Just to clarify, I mean that the reporters were on television, not that they were standing in my bedroom.

Upon arriving at work, the weather icon on my company's intranet page indicated that there was some kind of mysterious unknown precipitation, which made me a little leery about going outside for lunch later because "unknown percipitation" in NYC generally means a homeless person urinating on you from a fire escape.

Fortunately, the snow has ended, the sun is out, and mankind is safe...at least until the next time we get a few inches of snow on a slow news day.
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1 I turn to the news first thing in the morning because for some reason I seem to develop regular crushes on the WB11 Morning News traffic reporters. It began with Marysol Castro (before she moved on to "Good Morning America") and my current crush is on the breathtaking Lisa Mateo, who makes all too rare appearences when the regular traffic reporter, Jill Nicolini is otherwise occupied.

There's really something seriously wrong with me...


Now on to The Week In Pictures:


We begin this week in Red Rock, New Mexico where the skies were dotted with decoys as the alien hunting season kicked off.


A Swiss man entered the Guiness Book of World Records after successfully urinating in over 18 different streams at one time.*

*A special thank you goes to Sarah for her proofreading skills.


In local news, a caracal suffered only minimal effects after breaking into a medical clinic and swallowing a bottle of Viagra.


Speaking of Wiagra, new studies show that the drug shows promise in treating football dysfunction, which is said to effect 1 in every 250 men.


The United States Army backed off of it's plan to use motocross riders into combat zones after there were several problems with the airdrops.


The "Sidebar Song of the Week" is Taking Back Sunday's "This Photograph Is Proof (I Know You Know)


In preparation for an upcoming visit by Tara Reid, Brazillian officials have taken the precaution of sheathing The Obelisk with a giant condom.


Meanwhile, right to life groups in the United States insisted that the Washington Monument continue to ride bareback.


It's odd, but somehow those last two pictures remind me of Shakira,2 who is the subject of our gratuitous picture of the week, and is also the star of this week's video.


2On a side note, I've decided to marry Shakira. I plan to propose to her as soon as that stupid restraining order she got on me expires, You are, of course, all invited to the wedding.


PETA activists are picketing the National Zoo after discovering that Giant Panda cub Tai Shan is being forced to carry a pen in his mouth and sign autographs for visitors.


Nicole Linkletter was chosen as America's Next Top Model, entitling her to a $100,000 contract to model for the CoverGirl cosmetics company, the opportunity to be managed by Ford Models, an appearance on the cover of ELLEgirl magazine in February 2006, and the opportunity to be felt up by Tyra Banks.


Recent studies show that even animals are overcome with boredom when reading this blog.

Our bonus video of the week is a special request made my Solyluna of Aimlessly Rambling fame:


Now back to the pics...

Rumors are circulating about the real reason behind the recent broken engagement of Nicole Richie and DJ Adam Goldstein...


...after Santa Claus was spotted sneaking out of Richie's apartment early this morning.


After being unceremoniously fired by Santa in favor of his new motorcycle, his reindeer got a measure of revenge by gluing his hands to the reins and dragging St. Nick back and forth over an ice cold lake for several hours.


Meanwhile, Santa's workers continued to prepare for search and rescue missions like the one they had to undertake last year when he got stuck in the chimney while trying to deliver gifts to Hansel and Gretel.


After a huge Champions League victory over Lille, the Villereal team conducted the traditional strangling of their Capitan.


And finally, rap star Eminem announced that he is retiring from the music industry to focus on his first love - track and field.