Friday, December 16, 2005

The Week in Pictures XXVIII

A friend of mine is working on a thesis on "Adult Interaction" and asked me to be act as a subject for one of his studies. I haven't looked at what he's written yet, so I thought I'd post one or two snippets so that we might read them together.

"It becomes immediately evident that the subject has a "reverse magnetic effect" on people. As he stands in place, people subconsciously gravitate away from him and wherever he moves, a force field seems to exist around him..."

"...he stalks his prey like a wild animal, looking for stragglers that he can easily pick off from the herd and engage in conversation. Despite their frantic efforts to escape, he occasionally manages to capture one. It's fascinating to watch him converse with them. The panicked look in their eyes slowly gives way to complete boredom and then finally, near the end of the conversation, the victim is left nearly catatonic - unable to move or speak and reduced drooling on him or her self."

It goes on and on, but I think you get the idea. Now on to the Week in Pictures.

Faced with mounting pressure to end the war, President Bush has authorized a secret training facility that will allow him to replace U.S. forces in Iraq with armed penguins by the year 2007.

Santa and his helpers continued preparations for the upcoming Christmas holiday by spending time in a training device that simulates the G forces they'll feel while dropping down chimneys.

In other holiday news, the Christmas Guinea pig -known for bringing cheese, water bottles, and exercise wheels to rodents throughout the land - has hired a new PR agent in the hopes of becoming as famous as Santa Claus.

This picture was stolen from the lovely and talented The Idle Receptionist.

My first thought upon seeing it was "True, but it's a close as I'm likely to come to heaven."

A recent press conference took a gruesome turn when Ozzie Osborne unexpectedly bit the head off of Kermit the Frog.

A local man suffered serious injuries after failing to properly secure an ostrich he was attempting to have intercourse with.

Thousands of Michael Jackson supporters wrapped up their holiday vigil outside of the Neverland ranch with the symbolic igniting of the hair (sponsored by Pepsi).

Hundreds of movie goers in Ohio were injured in the stampede to leave the theater halfway through "Aeon Flux"

Can you tell that I spent $10 to see that wretched movie? I should have learned from the "Catwoman" debacle that I'm better off going the adult video route when I want to see gorgeous women in tight fitting latex.

And now for our video of the week:

On a side note, if I could do this, I'd never leave the house.

Canada's Jennifer Heil suffered bumps and bruises after her recently invented ski-a-copter failed to work.

Health conscious citizens of Hong Kong have recently begun carrying personal sneeze guards to prevent the spread of germs.

Alvaro Sabrorio and Mark Milligan were the surprise winners in the Tango World Club Championships.

In a related story, Sobrorio later explained to a disappointed Milligan that he wasn't just happy to see him and that it was, indeed, a soccer ball in his pants.

And finally, I was so interested in reading your captions to the picture above during
The Week in Pictures XXVI that I neglected to tell you my own. Here it is:

Investors are worried that Apple's Steve Jobs may have lost his touch after the long awaited iBis - which was released amongst much fanfare - turned out to be nothing more than a bird shaped bicycle helmet.