Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Workin' in a Winter Wonderland

There’s no reason for today's entry other than helping Tiffany in her desire to become a trendsetter by having us post pictures of ourselves as children.1

As long as I have to write anyway, I might as well update you on what's going on in my life.

Every year at this time, I renew my campaign to eliminate bias from the Christmas season. This year, I’m focusing on creating a less racist version of the song "White Christmas." Sample revised lyrics include "I'm dreaming of a diverse Christmas. Just like the ones I used to know. Where the tree tops glisten and everyone lives in an environment free from discrimination and harassment based on race, color, religion, sex, sexual orientation, age, national origin, veteran or disability status or any other class protected by federal or state statute." I'll admit that it's a little wordy but I think it gets the point across.

Now you might not know this, but re-writing a classic Christmas carol is actually far more difficult than you'd think, so after a few fitful and unproductive hours of work I took a break from my efforts to wander over to the book store in search of inspiration. On my way in, I was stopped by a stranger and we had the following (true) conversation:

Man: Excuse me sir, you look like a man who could use some extra money.
Me: Wow, that’s vaguely insulting
Man: I didn’t mean it that way. But can’t we all use some extra money?
Me: To be honest, I have too much damn money already. In fact, I’m here to try to spend some of it.
Man: But I’ll bet you don’t have enough time.
Me: Actually, I do. I’m also here to try to kill some of that.
Man: Then maybe you should be the one teaching people how you do it.
Me: But that would put you out of a job and I don’t want to do that - especially since you look like you can use the extra money.
Man: You’re an asshole.
Me: Well, you certainly aren’t going to win people over like that.2

Afterwards, I went to Central Park to go ice skating at Wolman Rink. On my way out, I saw a juggler drop his balls and immediately run after them lest a child pick one up and run off with it. I had to admire his presence of mind. Had it been me, I would have been on the ground clutching my groin and sobbing like a newborn.

Say what you will, but those street performers are made of sterner stuff than most.
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1 To be perfectly honest, I'm a little worried that she might be trying to start some kind of pedophile version of HNT.

2 Now that I see that conversation in writing, I have to admit that he had a point about me. I mean, I'm pretty pathetic in the best of times (just ask the famous 'L' or any of my other exes if you need more evidence), but this was over the line even for me. In keeping with the holiday spirit, I'm planning to go back to the store so I can seek him out, apologize, and insist on listening to his entire pitch before I politely decline it.