Friday, January 06, 2006

The Week in Pictures XXIX

A brand new year is upon us and with it comes the usual introspection and vows to become a better person. Every January, I take a moment to reflect and then I create eight real resolutions and, just for a laugh, two impossible ones. Here's what I've come up with:

  1. Learn how to be funny
  2. Post at least one well-written essay
  3. Figure out how to stop the annoying little drama in the comments
  4. Finally get that much needed plastic surgery
  5. Develop a personality
  6. Have the letter "M" stricken from the English language
  7. Get elected President of the World
  8. Become lovable
  9. Find someone who's willing to be my friend
  10. Start a new and fulfilling romantic relationship
As the sharp eyed among you have already noticed, I've flipped the script (as the kids say) this year and I wrote eight impossible resolutions - only the two that I can reasonably expect to put any effort into accomplishing.

That said, why don't you scroll down and read "The Week in Pictures" while I go off to work on numbers 6 & 7.

After the hare pulled out of their annual race, the tortoise kept his winning streak alive by barely edging out the baby hippo that served as a last minute replacement.

Cuts in weapons spending have left bad breath as the only weapon that newly trained Iraqi soldiers can use in their battle with insurgents.

Superman was particularly anxious to show off his newly re-modeled bathroom when MTV Cribs visited the Fortress of Solitude this week.

Tourists in Miami are being warned to stay away from South Beach beach after became infested with a new breed of flying jellyfish.

Quick question: Is this what people mean when they say "doggie style"?

Feel free to watch the video of the week as you ponder that.

The Boy Scouts of America have developed the world's first "Technique Tester" designed to weed out non-heterosexual troop leaders.

Millions fled New York City in terror this week when a multi-colored blizzard struck the area.

A recent blizzard is being called a life saver after a trio of suicide attempts were foiled when the jumpers landed in a deep snow drift.

I honestly can't think of a caption funnier than this pic.

So I'll give you two captions for this one:

1. As warmer than expected temperatures hit the Northeast, Frosty the Snowman took to the highways in an desperate attempt to hitchhike to a colder climate.

2. The much beloved Frosty the Snowman was arrested for assault after pummelling a man who mocked his nose.

Christmas joy turned to shock and horror after Brazilian revelers found Santa's decapitated head on a park bench.

The North Pole police department immediately brought Mrs. Claus, a 22 year old former stripper shown here with her new boyfriend, in for questioning.

After luring small children to him by wearing a Santa hat, Pope Benedict XVI tore out their little hearts and devoured them.

The China Zoo's Mei Xiang beat out Giant Pandas from all over the world to win this year's Holiday Bake-Off.

Pittsburgh Steeler James Harrison teamed up with a Cleveland Browns fan to win the first annual NFL Pro-Am swing dance competition.

And this concludes this installment of "The Week in Pictures".

Wait! I've got one!

"I wish I knew how to quit you, soccer ball!"