Thursday, January 19, 2006

The Week in Pictures XXXI

I'm exhausted. In fact, I was so tired last night that I didn't even make it to Mr. D's. I can only hope that the cute waitress was somehow able to get through the evening without me.

Anyway, the NFL playoffs continue this weekend. The best part is that for the first time since 1983, my Seattle Seahawks are just a win away from the Super Bowl. Well, that's not true. They're not really my Seahawks. They actually belong to billionaire Paul Allen. I just say they're mine to impress the ladies.

It doesn't work.

Anyway, because I have big plans for the weekend, today is likely to drag on longer than most Fridays do. As soon as its over, I going to jet out of here like a hummingbird on crack and meet some friends for a drink or two before heading home and cooking dinner for friend.

I just can't believe that HDD hasn't offered to fly out and serve as my personal chef for the evening.

The rest of the weekend will be spent with some old friends - and at least one pretty new one - and promises to be filled with zany hijinks and madcap hilarity. If I'm able to roll out of bed in time for work on Monday, it'll mean something has gone horribly wrong.

The best part of the weekend will involves my plan to kill the brain cells that form my personality - with an eye towards beginning development of a new, significantly less pathetic personality next week.

Wish me luck.

A local man was rushed to the hospital last night after experiencing a burning sensation when he urinated.

A few months back, we told you that officials tracking Hurricane Rita were shocked when satellite images showed the states borders. Well it seems that cartologists using satellite imagery to create more accurate maps were in for another surprise when they learned that the city names appear as well.

An exclusive Week in Pictures investigation reveals that increased development has left a number of animals scrambling to survive. Many have been forced to assimilate into society and take on jobs, including this Panda who works as an accountant;

These polar bears employed as lumberjacks;

And this penguin who works as a bellhop.

Other animals have taken a different route to financial security as evidenced by the burgeoning Panda Porn industry.

And flourishing publications such as 'Squirrel Tail' magazine.

More on this story as it develops. Now it's time for our video of the week:

Celebrity chef Rocco DeSpirito announced that he's closing his recently opened restaurant after his revolutionary new seating arrangement failed to catch on.

In other restaurant news, diners are lining up for a table at the city's recently opened "World's Freshest Sushi" restaurant.

Aww....look. Little baby feet-us.


The world's shortest race ended with the Volkswagen car crossing the finish line just .1 second after the start of the race.

Tennis star Jelena Dokic will be out of action for a few weeks after misinterpreting her coach's instructions to keep her eye on the ball.

On a similar note, France's Fabian Bourzat suffered minor injuries when he was "accidentally" kneed in the groin by his ice dancing partner Nathalie Pechalat after the pair had an argument over which one of them is prettier.

And finally....

Tired of being clad in dreary black, Death appeared on Oprah for a makeover this week and emerged with a sporty new scarlet and white look. Speaking of scarlet...

mmmmmm...Scarlett Johansson.