Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Canadapalooza

While riding the subway last night I amused myself by watching a man in his late 50's trying to pick up a 19 or 20 year old woman who was quietly listening to her iPod. He stood in front of her for a while, and when the seat next to her opened up, he pounced.

"I love Latin music. What kind of music are you listening to?" he said. Obviously, she appeared to be a Latina.

"I really don't listen to that." she replied "I like alternative and emo."

"Oh, like U2 and The Green Day?" he said "I like them too."

The Green Day?!?

I was so embarrassed.

For him I mean.

This wasn't a story about me.

Really...

I swear.
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Anyway, our week long (actually two post long) celebration of Canada continues with these interesting factoids:

Canada is America's largest provider of both oil and cold air masses.

Canada somehow slipped Celene Dion past the border patrols. The United States retaliated by sending acid rain to Canada. The general consensus is that it's a draw.

The odd-looking white building that you sometimes see on the SHAW TV web-cam is the world famous Talisman Centre for Sport and Wellness, whose website invites everyone to "come play on Canada's largest fleet of giant inflatable water toys!" Sounds like super fun for everyone, though I'm not sure if that's what people really mean when they talk about "water sports."

Toronto's reputation as a "clean version of New York" seems imperiled by the smog problem that Okami told us about yesterday. On the other hand, Binsk lives there - which is reason enough to rank it amongst the world's greatest cities.

Vancouver rates among the coolest cities in Canada by virtue of Trevor and Braleigh living in the area.

The Calgary Stampede is Canada's largest annual event.

Caravan Committee Stampede Breakfasts consume more that five tons of pancake batter, two tons of bacon and sausage, 5,000 bottles of pancake syrup and 85,000 containers of juice. In addition, approximately 1,844,286 Mini Donuts are consumed during the Stampede.

Harry the Horse Mascot makes 75 appearances during the 10 days of Stampede and wears size 38.5 shoes.

If I lived in Canada, the whole celsius temperature thing would confuse me to no end. I'd hear that it was 35 degrees out and I'd put on a sweater only to walk out and be ridiculed by the masses. Why bother? I can get that in New York and I don't even need to dress incorrectly.

Saskatchewan contains a city called Regina (pronounced Reg-eye-na). Saying it amuses me to no end. I plan to visit there one day so that I can annoy the locals by making childish jokes like "If I were the Canadian postmaster, I'd insist that all deliveries go through Regina."

And finally, I'll leave you with this story about Canada.

Some time ago, my friend and his girlfriend went on a trip to Alberta. They spent a few days camping in Banff and decided to visit Calgary on the way home. It was raining so they decided to kill some time at the Glenbow Museum, which is conveniently located next door to the Marriott at which they were staying.

A short time later my friend became ill and returned to the hotel while his girlfriend continued to explore the museum. He fell asleep and was awakened by someone pounding on the door. You can imagine his surprise when opened the door and saw two policemen there. Apparently, his girlfriend had been arrested for spraying gold paint on several of the exhibits. Even though he'd done nothing wrong, they arrested him on a charge of Gilt by Association.

Regina. heh, heh, heh....