Friday, March 17, 2006

The Week in Pictures XXXVII

Happy St. Patrick's Day. Top o' the morn', Erin Go Bragh, and all of that nonsense...

A few random Friday notes:

Yesterday, I read an article in which researchers claim that capsaicin causes prostate cancer cells to kill themselves. Given my family history of cancer, this was of particular interest to me so I ran down to the corner grocery, bought a handful of chili peppers, and shoved them up my ass.

As it turns out, it burns WAY more than you'd ever imagine. I think that just means it's working, though.

After closely tabulating the results of last week's survey - under the watchful eye of auditors from PriceWaterhouseCoopers, it appears that the reader(s) of this blog recommend that I date Lisa Loeb - though I'm doomed if she learns of Trevor's interest in her. I've sent the blog comments to the folks over at #1 Single and if all goes well, you should see me on an upcoming episode. Pay close attention to when the date starts to go downhill because you'll want to gather the entire family for the madcap pepper spray and restraining order finale.

My lesson learned this week is that Canadians never pay up on their bets.

Don't say I never warned you.

And finally, a St. Patrick's Day toast for all of you:
May your home always be too small to hold all your friends, may the best day of your past be the worst day of your future, may you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live and may your troubles be as few and as far apart as my Grandmothers teeth.

Let's move on to the Week in Pictures.

Former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein was recaptured today briefly escaping custody by shouting "Look! A bird!" and sneaking out of court when everyone turned to look.

The world's oldest man passed away today last night after a "pull my finger" joke went horribly awry.

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) insists that the water in the Chicago River is safe despite a recent toxic waste spill.

This despite the fact that children who swam in the river since the spill have suddenly sprouted strange antennae.

Weeks after Vice President Cheney accidentally shot Texas attorney Harry Whittington in a hunting accident, there is growing speculation that Whittington's hat may have been a factor in the mishap.

Meanwhile, the Vice President is taking no chances of a repeat of the incident and has begun calling in military air strikes whenever a quail is flushed from the brush.

The Irish Parliament passed a resolution today requiring all leprechauns to paint the words "Irish and Crazy" on their faces so as to distinguish them from small children.

As hundreds of tourists watched with bated breath, the Road Runner made another amazing escape from his arch nemesis Wile E. Coyote.

It's time for our video of the week - and one of my favorite songs:
(please allow a few moments for the video to load)

Now back to the WiP...

The Belorussian reality show "Arranged Marriage" came to a joyful conclusion when the groom chose screen number two and a woman emerged. It was later revealed that the prospective brides behind screens one and three were a 52 year old male masochist from Gomel and a 78 year old transvestite from, ironically enough, Brest.

As part of a nationwide crackdown on indecency, a Hawaiian woman was arrested yesterday for flashing her mangoes in public.

And finally, fearful of her dropping popularity, Paris Hilton had surgery to become a mermaid in an effort to recapture the attention of the public. Unfortunately, she accidentally swam through a oil spill on her first day and had to be rescued by a passing ship.

In business news, industry analysts report that sales of canine sex toys have increased dramatically since the closing of the infamous doggie brothels.

In sports, Nike unveiled a new pole vault landing pad for exclusive use in the Gay Games. The mat is specially designed to encourage athletes to aim for the center of the landing area.

And finally, in entertainment news filming began yesterday on Brokeback Mountain 2: Laguna Lifeguards.