Thursday, March 23, 2006

The Week in Pictures XXXVIII

Random Friday Notes:

Funny how quickly things change. What looked to be a very quiet weekend has - within the space of an hour - turned into what should be a fun filled extravaganza. On a similar note, last week I was writing morbid stories of love and loss and now I'm happier than I've been at any time in recent memory. What's changed? Everything. Rather than getting into details right now, I'll let them trickle out over time once I see where everything is going.

At some point during the weekend I need to keep a promise that I made to my sister to take my niece Jasmine to get her ears pierced. Apparently, nothing says "Your Uncle loves you more than life itself" like taking her out so that a stranger can drive a needle through her tiny earlobe. I suppose I should offer to pay her therapy bills when the time comes, too.

I was watching the news yesterday morning when a story came on about a woman who stole a truck from a construction site and careened around downtown NYC hitting parked cars and sending pedestrians scrambling. As the reporter wrapped up the story, she tried to add drama by saying "the chase ended when the truck hit this metal pole, which - if you can just pan back a little - is fortunate because right behind the pole is a fire hydrant and if the truck had hit that, it might have knocked it over causing one of those geysers you sometimes see when something like that happens."

WTF? I half expected her to continue along these lines:

"And the geyser could have caused a a short circuit leading to massive blackout which may have resulted in looting, large scale riots, and complete anarchy causing the government to give up on saving anyone. Instead, they'll choose to cut Manhattan off from civilization turn and turn it into an island prison where criminals run free until - grabbing a bargaining chip right out of the air - the convicts bring down the President's plane in bad old Gotham, forcing the government to coerce gruff Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell) a one-eyed warrior new to prison life, into bringing the President, and his cargo, out of this land of undesirables. But all of that was avoided thanks once again to this small metal pole. Now back to you Craig and Tiffany."

Favorite News Story of the Week: Drinking While Intoxicated

Second Favorite News Story of the Week: An Hour of '99 Red Balloons'?

Story For Okami's Eyes Only: How Much for Those Used Jimmy Choos?

Now let's move on to the Week in Pictures....

President Bush was temporarily taken aback when Damien stepped in front of him as he greeted supporters after a recent speech.

"I saw the 666 on his forehead and it was just like looking at a young Dick Cheney" said the shaken President afterwards.

Doctors in Baghdad are reaching out to the international medical community for assistance in finding the cause of an Iranian man's mysterious debilitating headaches.

In response to mounting casualties, the Gnomes have begun adopting guerrilla warfare tactics in their ongoing battle with the Trolls.

As summer approaches, Forest Service officials are reminding people of the dangers of sitting too close to the fire after eating beans.

I never really knew that she could dance like this
She makes a man want to speak Spanish
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa
Shakira, Shakira

The 10th Annual International Bestiality Conference kicked off this week with the traditional sodomizing of the six legged lamb.

Police are asking for your help in tracking down this suspected arsonist seen fleeing the site of a suspicious fire in Toon Town.

A local woman filed a wrongful termination suit against her former employer saying that it was impossible to succeed at her job as it forced her to wear too many hats.

Picasso's mistress and principal source of inspiration has broken her silence with an upcoming tell-all book entitled "Picasso Was No Genius: He Painted Me Exactly As I Look"

Baila en la calle de noche
Baila en la calle de día

As part of our ninety-three part series on the struggling economy, we'll take a look at desperate people who rent themselves out as sidewalks.

And working cats who bring lunch from home to save money.

Now let's pause for our video of the week which is "Hips Don't Lie" woman that I've never heard of:

Wait a mean to tell me that Shakira is a singer, too?!?

A recent study shows that men have drastically different ideas than women about what constitutes the perfect wedding dress.

A year long study of ice dancing revealed some interesting reasons why straight men take up the sport.

Hundreds of nude volunteers Caracas, Venezuela posed for a photograph by American artist Spencer Tunick, that's tentatively titled "Saturday Night at Ricky Martin's House"

A post Academy Awards poll landed the stars of March of the Penguins atop the red carpet's best dressed list.

During Yahoo's quarterly Influential Speakers Event, Tom Cruise surprised employees by bringing his pregnant wife, Katie Holmes on stage and introducing the audience to the body thetan that's been hanging around the unborn child.

And finally, Shakira, the queen of Latin American pop music, is to be immortalized with a 5-meter (16-foot) iron statue in her home city if Barranquilla, Colombia. The sculpture, which took more than a year to complete, weighs about 5 tons.

It's also believed to be the billionth massive erection inspired by the singer.