Friday, April 28, 2006

The Week in Pictures XLII

Random Friday Thoughts:

As week number two of unemployment - or as I'm calling it these days "Practicing for Retirement" - comes to a close, I'm remain amazed at how difficult it is to fill my days. It struck me earlier today that you always see commercials about the importance of saving for retirement, but nobody ever says anything about planning for complete boredom. If I can't find a job within the next month or so, I think I'm going to start a consulting company built around coaching people on how to avoid post-retirement insanity.

Maybe this is why people move to Florida. It's not the warm weather that draws them, it's the competition for seats at the early bird dinners and the fun of watching young men have aneurysms from being stuck behind them as they cruise down the highway at 30 miles per hour with their turn signal on. Should they ever grow tired of these diversions, they need only go to South Beach or the Florida Keys and enjoy the circus freaks that inhabit those areas. Layer in the liberal gun laws, the rampant drug smuggling, the betting on whether Cuban refugees make it to U.S. soil, and the tourist car jackings and you have a retirement paradise.

Now that I think about it, who needs to start a consulting business? I think I'll just apply for a job at the Florida Tourism board.

Anyway, more interviews scheduled for today and Monday. Both with big name companies, but I'm not holding out a ton of hope for either. I'll keep y'all posted.

And finally, softball season kicks off this week with a 9 a.m. game at Kennedy Park in Hempstead followed by post game beers under one of the many nearby trees. Once again, I'll expect to see you all there.

And now let's move on to The Week in Pictures.
An major international incident was narrowly averted after President Bush stuck a "kick me" sign on the back of visiting Chinese President Hu.

Shameless oil companies have begun flaunting their cost per gallon targets by putting up indicators above the price signs.

President Bush suspended some environment rules on motor vehicle fuel this week in an effort to slow the meteoric jump in gas prices. This artist's rendering shows the eventual effects on people of Bush's continued abuse of the environment.

Meanwhile, motorists are engaging in ever more creative ride sharing techniques as a way to cope with the increases at the pump.

Hmmm....maybe I should start looking into a career in body painting.

In international news, Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi kicked off a program to improve the economy by auctioning off small children.

While in Nepal, a man was arrested for being excessively horny in public.

Complaining that his eggs are too easily found behind trees and bushes, the Easter Bunny dramatically increase the difficulty of this year's hunt.

Here's our remarkably apt video of the week, "Over My Head (Cable Car)" by The Fray.

Now back to The Week in Pictures.

A small boy was severely injured when his doppelganger inexplicably fell from the sky as he lay on the floor.

In a related story, college professors are re-thinking the amount of homework they give out after a student was crushed by the books she was assigned to read that evening.

In entertainment news, recent reports offer proof that not only is Elvis alive, but that he's been secretly dating Dolly Parton.

A paternity suit was filed against Bozo the Clown by a woman claiming that her eight-year-old daughter is the result of an affair with the entertainer.

In a desperate attempt to regain the spotlight, 47 year-old Madonna is reverting back to the outfits she wore during her "Material Girl" days.

Filming began this week on a remake of "Apocalypse Now" which, in a surprise casting move, will star Gumby.

A Connecticut man won the "most creative late for work excuse" award by claiming to have been delayed by a Vespa jam on the front sidewalk of his apartment building.

And finally, geneticists believe that have hit upon an ingenious solution to end the troublesome pastime of cow-tipping.