Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Backstory - Act III

Today marks the two week anniversary of my unemployment and not one of you has sent me balloons or a cake. I can't tell you how disappointed I am.

That said, you've all been remarkably supportive through this period and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it - particularly given the "Oh wow, I'm sorry to hear that. Hope things get better soon." variety of condolences - followed by complete silence - I've received from the people I've always done everything possible to help and support in the past. I offer all of this as further proof (as if any were needed) that I'm a complete moron when it comes to certain people.

All of that aside, things appear to be heating up on the job front - though I'm still a long way from being close to finalizing anything. I had a nice interview for an Vice President of HR contract job at an Investment Bank on Friday - followed by a long night of drinking and dancing with a crowd of friends. Yesterday, I had an interview for an HR Director spot at a famous cosmetics company - followed by another lunch in the park (and dinner and a movie last evening) with the newly monikered 'ShanJolina'. This morning I received a call about an interview next week for an HR Manager position at an Investment Firm.

All of this makes it easier to hope that something better is on the horizon - and that I won't be getting calls from my ex-wife's attorney asking where her alimony payment is. I really, really should have thought that particular settlement through more clearly.

Anyway, the point of all of this is to say a sincere and heartfelt "thank you" to everyone for being so damn nice - not to mention funny - not only now, but even for as long as I've known each of known you. As much as I joke, your support, your kind words, and your ability to make me laugh and keep things in perspective, mean more than I can every put into words.

And all of that goes double for the one person whose e-mails are always the highlight of my day.

Okay, enough of that stuff.

Backstory - Act III

Click here for Act I and here for Act II

Back in the present day, Father Murphy was walking up the church steps while inside of the church Mrs. Delaney was quickly shedding the rust her skills had accumulated over her extended dry spell and was about to bring Father Peterson to heights of ecstasy such that, had the events that took place over the next few moments not occurred, would have made him tear his collar off for good, carry her out of the church like Richard Gere and Debra Winger at the end of "An Officer and a Gentleman," and spend the vast majority of the last few precious years of her life in near constant sexual congress.

As you've probably guessed by now, that scenario was not to be.

Father Murphy opened the door and was nearly deafened by the moans of pleasure coming from the third pew on the right. His ire was raised at the thought of what he was certain were two lust filled high school students so desperate for a place to fornicate that they resorted to desecrating the Church. As he reached the pew, his jaw dropped as his mind tried in vain to process the horror before him. His body tensed as every muscle in it prepared to unleash a lifetime of frustration - sexual and otherwise - on the poor young priest. His brain, however, conditioned to finding peaceful solutions beat his body to the proverbial punch by diplomatically causing Father Murphy to (loudly) clear his throat.

Seeing Father Murphy standing over them was enough to immediately raise young Father Peterson from his drunken and lust induced haze. His face flushed red from a combination of exertion and embarrassment, he rose to his feet and began to stammer apologies.

Dumbstruck, by not only the sacrilege he'd witnessed, but because those damn Petersons had come once again between him and his beloved Anita, Father Murphy couldn't think of anything else to say other than "Pull your pants up."

For his part, the now sober Father Peterson was in the midst of recoiling in horror as he got a good look at Mrs. Delaney naked. Meanwhile, Anita was busy calculating the odds of engaging both men in a holy trinity of sorts. Seeing Father Peterson's face was enough to tell her that that particular ship had sailed, so she pulled down her skirt and sat upright on the pew.

Despite his jealousy and indignation, Father Murphy found himself overcome by the glow Mrs. Delaney emitted. In his eyes she'd never looked more beautiful, so he did the only thing he could. He sat down beside her and told her of the feelings that he'd held inside for over 50 years. The words came slowly at first, but eventually the dam burst and the torrent of words burst forth from his mouth. When he was done, she kissed Father Murphy gently on the lips and took his hands in hers. They rose together and walked towards the church door, pausing momentarily as Father Murphy removed his collar and left it on the last pew.

Before leaving, he turned to the young priest and said "I guess this is your responsibility now, son. Just do the best you can and you'll be fine."

Complete joy on the part of Anita and Frank - and complete mortification on Father Peterson's part - prevented the three from ever speaking of what had transpired on that fateful day. The price Father Peterson paid came about a year later when the Bishop stopped in the Church one evening to check on the status of some repairs being done and was treated to the sight of a clearly aroused Father Petersen sitting in the third pew on the right with his pants around his ankles gazing at the centerfold model of that month's "Nude Mature Church Maids" magazine - a grinning, spread-eagled Anita Delaney-Murphy.