Friday, May 19, 2006

The Week in Pictures XLV

Random Friday Thoughts:

Inspired by the new "Tell Better Stories" ads for the Nissan Pathfinder which ask the question "What if you went on a trip and only took left turns?" I decided to make good use of my time off by hopping into my Pathfinder (gas prices be dammed - someone has to support the children in those oil producing countries) and seeing what happened. Six hours and roughly three thousand trips around the block later, I gave up.

Stupid commercials.

I had only one interview this week, but it was an annoying one for a Regional HR Director position at a mid-sized accounting firm in midtown. Actually, of the four people I met with, only one - the National Director of HR Services - was annoying. These two exchanges were typical of the entire hour:

Him: I notice that you were an HR Director and Arthur Andersen and then an HR Manager at Ernst and Young. They usually grandfather titles when you change jobs, so why did they demote you?

Me: They didn't demote me. There is only one HR Director in the FSO structure at EY and so they slotted me into what they believed was an equivalent position.

Him: But they usually grandfather the title.

Me: The equivalent title didn't exist, and I'm not sure that we can draw any parallels between the demise of one of the world's largest professional services firms and subsequent assumption by the remaining "Big Four" and any of the typical mergers to which I assume you refer.

And this one:

Him: You should really list the type of company that you worked for under the company name on your resume so that I know it's a law firm.

Me: Thanks. I figured that the word "Attorneys" in the first bullet point - and in many of the underlying ones - would be a tipoff that it was a law firm.

Actually, I didn't say that, but I wanted to.

And finally:

Him: What was your salary at your last employer?

Me: As you see on my application, it was (actual salary)

Him: You should know that we go through a thorough verification process here prior to extending any offers.

Me: If you're implying that the information I've given you regarding my salary - or my title at Andersen for that matter - is incorrect, I'm certain you'll find that I've given you accurate information in both cases. Now if you insult my professionalism or integrity again, I'm going to snap your fat ass like a twig and toss you out of that widow behind you.

Actually, I didn't say that last part, but I did wind up hating him quite a bit by the end of the meeting.

On a related note, I never understood how lonely and depressing unemployment can be.

Anyway, on to the Week in Pictures.

In a nationally televised speech, President Bush shared his plan to assist Border Patrols by putting up signs to attempt to trick would be illegal immigrants into using heavily guarded crossings at designated points along the U.S./Mexico border.

Unseasonably warm weather in Russia lead to tragedy when several male beachgoers suffered spontaneous testicle ejection immediately upon leaping into the still frigid waters.

Wealthy teens in Brazil have taken to hiring bodyguards to protect them from being mugged as they urinate.

Tired of waiting to become King, Prince Charles announced that he plans to pass his evenings as England's newest crime-fighting caped crusader.

No caption is really required here, but this has to be the closest call ever.

For the first time in over a hundred attempts, a young European man successfully used the pick-up line "Do you know what's better than your garden of tulips? Your two lips against mine."

All over the world, bears are busily preparing for the upcoming World Monkeyball Championships.

Six Flags Theme Parks announced that they are ceasing operation of their controversial "Sudden Stop and Toss Ferris Wheel" effective immediately.

In an effort to curtail the messy duck droppings that foul public parks, several municipalities have begun installing specially designed self-flushing duck toilets.

Our video of the week is a "Brazlian ass-shaker" (or is that Brazillion, Alice?) called PopoZao by the soon-to-be hip-hop star Kevin Federline.

That video just never gets old for me...

Okay, here's the real video of the week from Snow Patrol.

I actually prefer their song "Chasing Cars" but they don't seem to have made a video for that one yet.

I caught a minute or two of "Two and a Half Men" this week, which was just long enough to remind me about the wonder that is Emmanuelle Vaugier (who still, for some strange reason, refuses to date me.)

Researchers at Johns Hopkins University have discovered that they can determine the athletic prowess of male orangutans by observing the size of their balls.

Balding women have options other than Rogaine with the release of the new Chia Pet Floral Toupees.*

*Low cut blouse sold separately.

In business news, Friendly Ice Cream Corporation stock rose after the company that they will be shutting down their unprofitable "Friendly's in the Middle of the Lake" franchises.

In entertainment news, super-thin model Eva Herzigova tried in vain for over three hours to create cleavage for photographers taking her picture during the premiere of "The DaVinci Code" in Cannes.

Horrified onlookers could do nothing but watch when Mel Brooks, Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick, and Will Ferrell were sucked into a black hole during a press conference touting the release of "The Producers" on DVD.

Tinkerbell will appear nude in the July edition of Playboy magazine.

And finally, actress Tara Reid was arrested at a German botanical garden after repeatedly attempting to mount an Arum Titan flower.