Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Week in Pictures XLVI

Random Friday Thoughts:

It's Memorial Day weekend in the United States, which marks the traditional beginning of summer. More importantly, the three day weekend will allow me to take a well deserved break working.

My father overdosed on his perscription medicine last night, and smacked his head on his dresser as he passed out resulting in a slight concussion and proving in the process that he remains a dumbass. He's fine by the way.

The pirate thing is going well, thus far as I was able to sign up two first mates within hours of sharing my plans with the world. I can't tell you how optimistic I am, especially given the fact that my research indicates that even the most famous pirates had to settle for only one first mate.

Anyway, on to the Week in Pictures:

The Star of Bethlehem, famous for guiding the Magi to the manger in which baby Jesus lay, crashed to earth earlier this week.

The United Nations launched a controversial new program to prevent child hunger in which starving children entertain crowds and then get to use any spare change thrown their way to buy food.

A local inventor has perfected his full-body plastic bubble condom, which he hopes will allow him to realize his dream of having sex with a polar bear.

In an ironic twist, and environmentalist had to be cut down from a tree after spending so long in its limbs that they began to grow through his body.

A New York City designer has released a clothing line designed to help busy prostitutes keep track of how much time they spend with their customers.

After becoming extremely obese during my forced sabbatical, I've been able to shed quite a few pounds recently - as evidenced by this sculpture of myself that I had commissioned last week.

On the bright side, I was granted a sizeable endowment for a sculpture I created out of my used condoms.

And with that disturbing thought in mind, let's move on to our video of the week:

Inspired by Dan Brown's blockbuster book, researchers looking into the mystery of the DaVinci Code discovered that the Mona Lisa isn't actually a painting at all, but is instead made up of spare computer parts.

A group of tourists were seriously injured when they were attacked by a squadron of kamikaze penguins.

In sports, a spectator at the NBA playoff game between the Detroit Pistons and Miami Heat apparently used the occasion to show the world that he's the undisputed #1 fan of 80's group "Men At Work."

Tragedy struck during the Rally of Italy when France's Sebastien Loeb drowned during the post race champagne celebration.

The Fish World Cup kicked off this week, with the Gold Team winning 1-0. Unfortunately, the entire team was eaten by a shark just hours later.

In entertainment news, Taylor Hicks is the new "American Idol" despite an embarrassing mishap in which he had an orgasm while rubbing against Toni Braxton.

Ricky Martin kicked off his "One Night Stand" tour this week. During the six month long tour, the singer will not perform any of his music, but will instead have night after night of anonymous sex with random men.

And finally, after passing out in a garden while high, singer Macy Gray was thrilled to awaken and find that her body has begun to spontaneously sprout marijuana plants.