Friday, June 23, 2006

The Week in Pictures L

Random Friday Thoughts:

I can't believe that this is the 50th edition of The Week in Pictures. You'd think I would have come up with a better gimmick by now, but apparently I'm not all that bright.

Speaking of non-bright things (how smooth was that transition), the weather here has been miserable for the past few days. As if the persistent threat of thunderstorms weren't enough, it's so muggy out that you practically have to swim to your destination. I. Hate. Summer.

By virtue of a 2-1 loss to Ghana yesterday, the United States team was eliminated from the World Cup. You can only imagine the rage and disbelief this was met with around the country. Everywhere I go, I hear people saying things like "The World What?", "We had a team there?", and "What's soccer?"

Anyway, back to the main point of this preamble. It seems like just three years ago that I wrote The Week in Pictures as a one-shot deal. (It's actually been just over a year, but it feels much longer). I guess time flies when you're lost in a sea of mediocrity.

Anyway, you're all invited to the post-softball game WiP 50th edition party that's being held at an undisclosed location. Music will be provided by the Starland Vocal Band and the festivities will be co-hosted by stand up comedian and former host of Family Feud (1999 - 2002) Louie Anderson and business magnate, entrepreneur, home-making advocate and convicted criminal struggling to rebuild her media empire who can't believe she's relegated to appearing at events such as this, Martha Stewart. I'd add something like "great family fun," but Martha tends to frighten children.

On to the WiP.

A General in the United States Army was forced to resign after misinterpreting orders to establish a beachhead in North Korea.

Experts estimate that over employers suffer over $1 billion in lost productivity each year due to workers playing games like "peek-a-boo" during business hours.

SuperDog is once again being praised as a hero after flying halfway around the world to save a Terrier from choking on a piece of rawhide bone.

A group of Hindu leaders announced that beginning next week all devotees of the religion will need to declare themselves as either a "top" or a "bottom."

Theologians were shocked when Buddha, thought to have died in 483 B.C., showed up for a World Cup match between France and South Korea.

In my next life I want to come back as Shakira's microphone. That's all I'm saying.

In response to overwhelming evidence provided as part of a paternity suit, Mick Jagger admitted this week to fathering triplets approximately twenty years ago during a Rolling Stones tour in Brazil.

Scientists studying elephants in Bangkok have discovered that females often accessorize in order make themselves more attractive to the eligible males in the herd.

Officials at the Wolong Panda Research Center announced that the centerfold shoot for next month's PlayPanda went off without a hitch.

Our video of the week is "Don't Wait" - the first single off of the new Dashboard Confessional CD that drops on Tuesday.

Ronald McDonald is branching out by opening a chain of hairstyling salons specializing in what he calls "my patented personal look."

Analysts expect Land Rover sales to skyrocket after the auto maker announced an optional accessory that allows drivers to send a blast of air up the skirt of women passing in front of the vehicle.

In sports, Spain's Sete Gibernau set a new world's record in the Men's 100-meter Muddy Somersault Race.

A forward on the German national team was released after repeatedly squealing "Not in the face!" whenever a ball came near him.

The first round match between Portugal and Iran was delayed for 10 minutes while two of the players belted out a Broadway show tune.

The new Nike designed linesman's uniforms unveiled for this year's World Cup have been meeting with mixed reviews. While they can be quite flattering in some cases, they appear to be less so when worn by portly middle-aged officials.

I have to admit that I suddenly find myself much more interested in this whole World Cup thing...and in moving to Sweden.

...or Germany.

...or Mexico.

But not Croatia, as that team seems to require just a little too much from their fans.