Friday, June 16, 2006

The Week in Pictures XLIX

Random Friday Thoughts:

Summer weather has finally hit the New York region, so I've been a bit distracted this week...not that you'd be able to tell based on the consistent lack of quality in the posts. As always, I apologize.

My nephew is playing in his baseball league's championship game tomorrow. I hope they win, if only because I can't even begin to imagine how devastated he'll be if they lose.

I ripped my pants on the way to a job interview yesterday. As refreshing as the cool breeze felt on a hot day, I was forced to stop at Macy's to buy a new pair. That's the thing about being a Pirate Captain. You all see the glory, but you never realize how hard we need to work to keep up that illusion. 'Tis a lonely life indeed.

I seem to somehow have been welcomed into the Starbucks Mom's club as I can't sit down to peruse the want ads without being lured into chatting with various women who are starved for adult conversation after being trapped with a three year old - who at that moment is busy spreading cupcake icing on every seat in the place. Happens nearly every day.

More pirate adventures next week, but for now let's move on to the WiP.

Several hundred lonely women participated in the "Running of the Brides" in Times Square, during which they to roamed the area and were allowed to keep any eligible men that they gored.

An Indian businessman plans to market the world's least effective umbrella. He says that he expects sales to be especially brisk in drought ridden areas.

An article in "Ornithology Today" claims that some female parakeets support themselves by wearing garish makeup, perching on branches at night, and selling their bodies to lonely males that come their way.

Lonely male iguanas, on the other hand, are often forced to have sex with garden ornaments that they order from adult shop catalogs.

World Cup fever has hit Germany. Symptoms include flag-like rashes on various body parts, a soccer ball shaped swelling of the nose...

...and hexagon shaped hair loss.

Meanwhile, a fan attending the match between Australia and Japan was rushed to the hospital after a ball went into the stands and became embedded in his head.

Our video of the week is "Hate Me" by Blue October

A Salvadoran man married an endangered blue butterfly this weekend. The couple refrained from pre-marital sex, limiting themselves to butterfly kisses during the courtship process.

A group of Australian scientists announced that they have finally perfected the thought bubble.

A local Theatre Group claims that they've discovered a foolproof way to lure men to Broadway plays.

Severe intestinal cramping cause American Idol winner Taylor Hicks to cut short a performance at the Wal-Mart shareholders meeting.

Sadly, Hicks had still not fully recovered before his appearance on the Today show, which also ended early.

The combination of the box office failure of "The Brothers Grimm" and the birth of his daughter Isabella have forced actor Matt Damon to temporarily scale back on expenses.

Nicole Richie took to the talk show circuit this week to promote "The Simple Life: 'Til Death Do Us Part"

A scheduling conflict resulted in a rugby Test between New Zealand and Ireland being played at on the same field as the World Bikini Soccer Championships.

A Giant Panda was rushed to the hospital after accidentally ingesting a bottle of Viagra, resulting in a painful woody.

And finally, in our "Where Are They Now" segment, former child star Winnie the Pooh has fallen on hard times and is reduced to peddling oral sex to tourists on Hollywood's Walk of Fame.