Saturday, August 05, 2006

The Week in Pictures LV

Random Friday Thoughts:

These things are hard enough to write sober, so I can only imagine how this one is going to turn out.

Allow me to begin by providing a quick summary of my interviews in the midst of Thursday's 100 degree heat and 90% humidity.

Sweat on subway platform. Cool off on train. Sweat on walk from subway to interview number one. Cool off in air conditioned lobby before going upstairs. Sweat on walk to subway. Sweat more on subway platform. Cool off on train. Sweat on subway platform while changing trains. Cool off on train. Sweat on walk to interview number two. Cool off in lobby before going upstairs. By the time it was over, I felt like a six foot tall salt lick which, by the way, is not something you want to be while walking around certain parts of the city.

Anyway, the upshot is that I now have two job offers in hand and, if I nail my interview on Monday, probably three. I have no idea how I'm going to decide which to choose, but it's better than having no idea how I'm going to pay my bills.

Last weekend's Saratoga trip was the best so far. I can't remember the last time I laughed as much or for as long as I did on Friday night. On Saturday, I hit a triple early and an exacta in the last race that not only covered the cost for the weekend, but actually put me a few hundred dollars ahead. There are some days you just wish you could put in a bubble and carry around in your pocket, and these were two of them.

I have additional thoughts on the current state of music as well as the world we live in and life in general, but those will have to wait for another day as I'm just not very interested in boring you any further at the moment.

So on to the WiP...

In international news, Israeli fighter planes fired missiles at the surface of the moon as they followed through on their pledge to root out and destroy Hezbollah fighters wherever they may be.

British Prime Minister Tony Blair is said to be resting comfortably after a frightening fall that caused severe cranial swelling.

In preparation for life after the Presidency, George Bush has begun circulating headshots to various modeling agencies. The shots are designed to show that the President's range extends all the way from Fred Astaire like grace and Robin Williams-esque clowning, to effeminate Ricky Martin like poses.

Meanwhile, the White House announced that hunters accompanying Vice President Cheney this season will be required to wear protective headgear.

The Johannesburg Zoo will be closed for an indefinite period of time after an owl consumed several bottles of steroid pills that had been left out by a careless veterinarian.

In a nod to skyrocketing real estate prices, Taiwanese officials unveiled the newly built Taipei Library and Sewer system.

One-year old Panda Su Lin has begun communicating with keepers at the San Diego zoo by spelling out her moods using blocks of ice. This morning, she was reported to be feeling 'sullen'.

A group of former Cirque du Soleil performers who've fallen on hard times have begun hiring themselves out as scarecrows to wealthy farmers.

High speed photographs taken of people sneezing have revealed that, like snowflakes, no two bacteria-filled droplet expulsions are the same,

And that many of the flem expulsions accompanying sneezes are surprisingly intricate and beautiful.

Gratuitous pictures of the stunning Vancouver born actress Erica Cerra.

The crew of the Jolly Blogger spent a terrifying evening hiding on the yardarms after someone accidentally knocked over Grant's udon soup and sending him into a murderous rage.

Fortunately, the quick thinking co-captains were able to devise a way to distract him by dropping special lures into the ship's pool.

A 14-year-old girl who had been missing for six months was found working as a peg at a ring toss booth.

Since Liz didn't see fit to provide us with another video this week, we'll have to settle for Mick Jagger and Dave Stewart's "Old Habits Die Hard"

A penguin fisherman set a world-record by catching seven using only one sardine.

The first meeting of the Okami fan club took place in Calgary last weekend with a seminar on "How to Walk in Stiletto Heels."

A giant briefly terrorized Moscow before stepping over to the Moskva River to relieve himself.

Frustrated police in Mexico admitted that their innovative dragnet technique failed to catch any criminals.

In an effort to draw more males to WTA events, officials have promised that Maria Sharapova will flash cleavage at least two times per set.

Concerned with excessive loitering in public parks, officials in Milan will shortly begin installing what they call the most "uncomfortable park benches ever."

A mother who gave birth to the world's largest baby is said to be in shock as she continually paces around the child mumbling "How the hell did I force THAT out?"

The Cathay Pacific plane was disqualified from the Giant Slalom after it missed a gate.

Scientists studying cranes in France were astonished to discover that some of the birds have attempted to assimilate into French culture by sporting berets.

Australian Karrie Webb was so enamored of herself after winning the Golf Evian Masters that she made out with her reflection in the trophy for a full thirty minutes.

A rancher in Spruce Grove, Canada has petitioned the local government to allow him to marry a buffalo that he's been living with for 10 years. The couple met during the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona in 1996 and have been together ever since.

A chihuahua named Pooch won the 2006 Wet Flea Collar Contest held in New York's Central Park.