Saturday, August 12, 2006

The Week in Pictures LVI

Random Friday Thoughts

I'd like to begin by thanking our Canadian friends for sending that low pressure system our way that will keep temperatures down in the low 80's for the weekend.

That's especially important given the fact that the softball playoffs start this weekend - and nobody wants to play a best 2 out of 3 series in anything like the 100 degree, humid conditions we were in the midst of when the unflattering pic on the right was snapped. Canada. I appreciate it.

Overheard conversation of the week:

Scene: Two women in a coffee shop flipping through a magazine and commenting on various celebrities.

Woman 1: "Oh my God! He's so hot that if I were dating Jared Leto and he asked me out, I'd totally drop Jared."

Woman 2: "What if you were dating Nick Lachey? Would you drop him?"

Woman 1: "Probably not. He's been hurt too badly and he's too vulnerable right now. I could never hurt him like that."

I glanced over expecting to see two teenagers and instead saw two schoolteachers in their late 20's. I feel sorry for their students.

Next week I'll fill you in on their conversation about wireless Internet access. Hearing that actually made my ears bleed.

Looks like my plan to start work during the first week of September is going to fall through. The latest I'm going to be able to push them is August 21.

Oh well, despite the constant panic about finances, it was really nice to have the summer off.

Lets move on to the WiP:

Scores of people eating at an Italian restaurant in NYC were injured when a pasta making machine went haywire.

The cash strapped Bolivian government has been relegated to clothing it's military with uniforms purchased at the annual Radio City Rockettes Yard Sale.

Vanity Fair paid a record breaking $600 million dollars for the exclusive rights to the newly unearthed pictures of God creating the universe.

Continued unrest in the middle east combined with soaring demand at home combined to send the price of baby Panda steaks to skyrocketing to record levels.

Meanwhile, a spokesman for the Panda industry denied accusations of price gouging and said that their record earnings are merely the result of the free market at work.

Mel Gibson was thrown out of his alcohol rehab program after injuring a Jewish member of his group therapy session by striking him with a flaming Star of David.

Meanwhile, the Jewish Defense League has begun issuing survival kits to any of it's members who reside near Gibson's Los Angeles County home.

As conflicts flare up all over the world, many psychologists remain puzzled over the reasons behind most men's fascination with weaponry.

Scientists at the Chinese Academy of Sciences Institute of Automation, were thrilled when Rong Cheng, the first human simulation robot built in China, reacted in lifelike fashion by becoming ill after being shown a video of me asking her out.

As part of her publicity blitz, she has agreed to appear topless in next month's edition of "RoboBabes."

Unfortunately, Rong Cheng's boyfriend reacted to the news by totally dropping her and starting a new relationship with a Japanese model that he met at a trade show.

This week's video is a mellow summertime tune: Jack Johnson's "Better Together"

Or if you'd prefer something different, we also have "Seein' Red" by Unwritten Law

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new and very painful STD called "flaming penis" whose symptoms, they say, are pretty self-explanatory.

An inventor who frequently went flaccid while trying to tear open condom foil packs has invented a 'rubber rack' than mounts conveniently over the headboard of most standard beds.

A Columbus, Ohio man was briefly hospitalized after suffering a painful bout of blue balls.

Meanwhile, millions of women continue to suffer in silence from the lesser known condition of pink eggs.

A group of tourists are suing their travel agent for mental anguish, claiming that they suffered unimaginable embarrassment and humiliation when they were mooned in Athens.

Thousands of nude fetishists massed in the city of Duesseldorf, Germany to create the world's largest urine fountain.

A Reproductive Endocrinologist working on a cure for male sterility released startling pictures of how sperm actually appear immediately before ejaculation.

A related study shows that the female egg is much more sedate while waiting to be fertilized.

A severe drought has turned the once fertile city of Oz into a barren wasteland.

The Boy in a Plastic Bubble was reportedly disappointed that his dip in the ocean offered no relief from the scorching summer temperatures.

And finally, the town of Park Ridge, Illinois is suing a sculptor who they claim misinterpreted the commission he received to create "a bust of hometown heroine Hillary Clinton.