Saturday, August 19, 2006

The Week in Pictures LVII

Random Friday Thoughts:

After declining offers from an Ivy League university, a technology firm, and a law firm, I accepted the offer at the real estate investment firm and will begin working on August 29. While it was nice to have the summer off, it'll be fun to get back to work.

Of course, Labor Day is September 4, so I'll get a well-deserved three day weekend right away.

Softball playoffs continue this weekend. If we win this week, it's on to the championship game.

Due to the many complaints received after last week's WiP, I've decided to spare you the nausea that comes with seeing pictures of me, and have instead posted a pair of pictures of my niece Jasmine. The first picture was taken a few weeks ago after she spent an hour running through the sprinkler in her front yard.

As far as I can tell, the second is of her world-famous Stevie Wonder impersonation.

By the way, tomorrow is Jasmine's second birthday, so Happy Birthday, Pumpkin!

Okay, that's it.... I've had it with these motherf***ing snakes on this motherf***ing plane!

Erm...sorry. I'll try not to let that turn into another "I wish I knew how to quit you" thing.

Let's move in to the WiP.

As President Bush embarked for a vacation at his Crawford, Texas ranch, he told reporters that he plans to spend his time off reading, horseback riding, and copulating with his pet dogs.

Hindu deity Lord Krishna was arrested by customs agents when he was caught smuggling illegal aliens into the United States.

Plumbing giant Kohler introduced a new shower system designed to clean those difficult to reach places.

In an exclusive interview with The Week in Pictures, the first pig in the Three Little Pigs saga tells us about his particular affinity for straw.

A small boy in India was hospitalized after a prank in which his flute holes were plugged went horribly awry .

Several squirrel monkeys living in China's Anhui province contracted a nasty STD after sharing a sex toy that they stole from a tourist.

Dozens where injured at Disneyland this week when the new Paper Ferris Wheel ride collapsed unexpectedly.

However, the recently installed "Inside Tara Reid on a Friday Night" ride is among the park's most popular new attractions.

This week's video is "In the Sun" by Joseph Arthur.

Of course, that's just a clever ploy to keep the kiddies away from the pornographic content on the real video of the week, which you can find by clicking here.

What can I say? Liz rocks.

According to a Yahoo! Spokesperson, 99.8% of the answers posted on their new Ask Yahoo! feature come from one incredibly intelligent man.

Research shows that the vast majority of cell phone conversations revolve around which phone to buy next.

Stung by criticism that their wasting taxpayers money, Britain's Royal Family said that they will consider cutting back by not having their tea served in the traditional fashion.

The elite South Korean riot police force welcomed their two newest members by sneaking up behind them and issuing the traditional "nightstick initiation"

Just a few weeks after Mel Gibson's arrest, actor Nick Nolte was arrested again on drunken driving charges.

Gratuitous pictures of Jessica Biel.

Disappointing sales figures lead Wham-O! to cease production of the Hula Squares that they'd hoped would become the next fad.

Sociologists believe that Melon Day, a national holiday in Ashkhabad, is the only place it's acceptable for a man to greet a woman with the phrase "Those are some nice melons you got there."

Speaking of holidays "Punch a Buddhist Monk Day" in Sri Lanka was as festive as ever.

A former prostitute has designed a clothing line that call girls can customize with targets to show customers the areas where it's permissable to touch - and arrows showing the orifices approved for insertion.

And while we're on the subject of sex, studies show that many animals make the same stupid faces as humans when having intercourse.

Theater goers in Tripura, India received a shock when two of the male members of a dance troupe became aroused by the feel of the silk sheet covering them during the performance.