Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Hot In the City

I was sitting outside the other day watching people pass by when I spotted a jaw-droppingly beautiful woman strolling down the sidewalk. In fact, she was so captivating that I didn't notice the thug accompanying her. Unfortunately, he seemed to notice me staring, which lead to the following exchange.

He said: "What the f**k are you looking at?"
I thought: Your girlfriend.
I said: "Excuse me?"

Him: "You were looking at my girlfriend, weren't you?"
Yes.
Me: "No, I was just lost in thought"

Him: "Oh yeah? What were you lost in thought about?"
How much I'd love to sleep with your girlfriend.
Me: "Work stuff"

Him: "Work stuff. Right. What kind of 'work stuff' were you thinking about while you were looking at her?"
Shit. Now I have to think about work stuff for a minute
Me: "Well, to be honest I was thinking about how we need to upgrade the research position in our NJ office by finding someone who isn't just satisfied to input information into our proprietary data management system, but who can step back and objectively analyze and synthesize the data, and use it to make strategic recommendations to our brokers in order to support their efforts to increase revenue opportunities. "

Her: "Leave the guy alone. Why do you always have to start this shit?"
Why are you with him if he always starts this shit?
Me: "..."

Him: "Next time you better look somewhere else when you're thinking, or we gonna have problems"
Fortunately, I don't think all that much.
Me (laughing): "Alright."

Him: "I'm not playing.... "
I am
Me: "No, I know. This is serious shit. Like high school all over again."

Him: "You got jokes."
So does your girlfriend
Me: "We done here?"

Him: "Just watch yourself."
Nope, I'm going to get back to watching your girlfriend