Tuesday, September 05, 2006

If You've Seen It Once...

While waiting at a crosswalk this morning, I watched a taxi driver zoom towards the intersection, apparently fully prepared to blow through a traffic light that had turned red a few seconds earlier. Just before he got there the driver saw a traffic cop standing in his path and so the he had no choice but to slam on the brakes and screech to a halt.

A millisecond later, the driver behind him – who had apparently been intent on following the taxi through the light, slammed into the rear of the cab propelling it into the middle of the intersection where it was immediately struck by two other cars whose drivers had inexplicably failed to plan for a flying taxicab suddenly appearing in their path. The traffic cop, who just moments earlier had jumped out of the path of the hurtling mass of metal with the speed of a hummingbird of crack walked over to the cars to check on the occupants.

At the same time, a pedestrian mistakenly assumed that traffic would be snarled for hours and thought he’d take advantage of the confusion by crossing the street against the light. Two steps into his journey, he was struck by a vehicle that was attempting to zoom through the apparently five feet of free space that remained in the intersection. The man flew through the air and landed on the shopping cart of a homeless man, spilling its contents (which included, amazingly enough, about 20 cats) into the growing confusion.

Meanwhile, the homeless man that had been pushing the cart was sent reeling backwards where, ironically enough, he collided with a dazed man who had just stumbled out of the back door of the taxi that started the mess. The passenger was knocked forwards and as he put out his hands to break his fall, he let go of his briefcase which landed on the pavement a few feet away and broke open scattering the papers it contained.

"My bearer bonds!” he cried as he clambered to his feet. His eyes widened in horror when he realized that he was surrounded by people who either worked in the financial sector and/or had read the DaVinci Code and who, as a result, actually knew what bearer bonds were. Heedless of the danger posed by the broken glass, bits of metal, briefcase remnants, shopping cart detritus, and - lest we forget - cats that littered the road people scrambled for the bonds in a scene reminiscent of Exxon/Mobil Senior Management’s annual Faberge Easter Egg hunt.

Well, I'm sure you can imagine what happened next, so I won’t even bother finishing the story.

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Today's Top Ten:

Cool things about working again:


  1. The people here seem pretty cool thus far. Many of them make over a million dollars a year, but you wouldn't know if from speaking with them. They remind me of the people I worked with at Arthur Andersen – which was, by far, my favorite job
  2. My favorite all you can eat Chinese Food place is just a short walk away.
  3. You can’t walk three steps in NYC without seeing a stunningly attractive person.
  4. Getting paid.
  5. The amazingly low expectations they have of me thus far. If I show up in the morning, they seem thrilled. That should last another few days or so.
  6. The pleasant state of exhaustion I have every night that’s brought about by thinking rather than boredom.

Not so cool things:

  1. Getting up at 6:00 a.m. every morning.
  2. Commuting.
  3. Wearing a suit and tie every day.
  4. Knowing that 12 hour plus work days are just around the corner as we head into the evaluation / compensation period.

Still, if those are the only things I have to complain about – and I’m really not complaining – then life is good.