Monday, October 09, 2006

English Lessons

Last week was a banner one for English language abuse.

To beging with, I cringed during our philanthropy effort kickoff when, in describing the joy that seriously ill children exhibit during charity sponsored events, the speaker from Starlight Starbright said:

"The children are infectious and everybody in the room feels it."

Of course, now nobody will want to attend those functions for fear of catching something.

Later, the chairperson of the philanthropy committee was describing some company sponsored events when she said:

"We also do something called "A Party in a Box" which is literally a party in a box. The hospitals put it away and then they take it out when the patients are having a particularly bad day and they have a party!"

Literally? First of all, that must be a pretty big box. Also, if they think the patients were having a bad day before, just wait until they find the decomposing bodies of the revelers that died while they were waiting for them to open the box.

And finally, there were two Lamborghinis parked in Grand Central Station last week beside signs that said "Win a Lamborghini Raffle: Tickets $1,000 each"

I suppose I'd pay $1,000 for a chance to win a Lamborghini, but why would I want to win a Lamborghini raffle? It just sounds like too much work. In retrospect, I probably should have entered. Had I been selected, I could have fixed the raffle so that I'd win the actual car.