Monday, October 02, 2006

An Open Letter to Mitch Albom

Dear Mitch,

I'd hoped that the minor scandal created when you faked a story earlier this year would put an end to your career. Sadly, that was not to be and I'm left with no choice but to reach out to you myself. Between your column in the Detroit Free Press, your charity work, your books, your plays, your screenplays, and (lest we forget) your participation in The Rock Bottom Remainders, your time seems to be at a premium, so I'll get right to the point.

Please, please, please stop writing nauseating books. You've become the Thomas Kinkade of the book world. In fact, I'll take it one step further and say that you've morphed into a low rent Nicholas Sparks - something that I didn't think possible until now.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way, so if you'll agree to stop writing, I'll agree to start a fund in which people pay you for your troubles. Think of it as a kind of agricultural subsidy - except this one benefits the enitre world.

Think about it.

Your Friend,