Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Open Letters to Rosie O'Donnell and Dominos

I wasn't kidding when I said that I'm bored at work today. All of this free time has allowed me to dash off two quick open letters that I've been meaning to write for a long time.

Letter One:

Dear Rosie O'Donnell,

Please shut up.

Thanks.

Your Friend,

Joe

P.S. You too Donald Trump.



Letter Two:

Dear Dominos Pizza,

Please take these ads off of the air. All you've succeeded in doing is nauseating a great many people and ensuring that they'll refrain from ordering your product for fear of having your delivery man arrive accompanied by your fecal-like mascot "Fudgems"- who will proceed to smear a brown, gooey substance all over their freshly laundered clothes.


Thanks.

Your Friend,

Joe

P.S. Why is it that Fudgems leaves footprints when he's walking away from the house but there aren't any prints leading to the house? Did the delivery guy clean them up before ringing the bell? If so, that's above and beyond the call of duty and he deserves a raise (unless, of course, it adversely impacts his ability to deliver the pies in 30 minutes or less).

P.P.S. Upon further review, it appears that Fudgems is wearing shoes, which begs the question "What did he step in?" See my original point re: nauseating viewers.