Monday, December 18, 2006

Side Effects

We had our holiday luncheon (yes, I know. we have more holiday events here than any place in recorded history...) today at Dos Caminos - which I think is Spanish for Two...erm....Caminos.

In addition to overindulging in Mojitos, we all ate entirely too much. As a result, the entire HR department is in a stupor - which most people will observe is not entirely different from every other day.

Anyway, as I was watching the news this morning, it occurred to me that commercials for prescription medicines are unnerving for many reasons, but mostly because no matter how quickly the narrator speaks, the list of side effects tends to take up at least half of the allotted commercial time. This, of course, begs the question of whether one would rather have the condition or the side effects.

While watching football yesterday, I saw the same Levitra ad six times. For those of you unfamiliar with Levitra, it's a drug that treats erectile dysfunction (or, as it used to be known, impotence). This morning, I looked up the side effects and here's the list I found:

BODY AS A WHOLE: anaphylactic reaction (including laryngeal edema), asthenia, face edema, pain

AUDITORY: tinnitus

CARDIOVASCULAR: angina pectoris, chest pain, hypertension, hypotension, myocardial ischemia, myocardial infarction, palpitation, postural hypotension, syncope, tachycardia

DIGESTIVE: abdominal pain, abnormal liver function tests, diarrhea, dry mouth, dysphagia, esophagitis, gastritis, gastroesophageal reflux, GGTP increased, vomiting

MUSCULOSKELETAL: arthralgia, back pain, myalgia, neck pain

NERVOUS: hypertonia, hypesthesia, insomnia, paresthesia, somnolence, vertigo

RESPIRATORY: dyspnea, epistaxis, pharyngitis

SKIN AND APPENDAGES: photosensitivity reaction, pruritus, rash, sweating

OPHTHALMOLOGIC: abnormal vision, blurred vision, chromatopsia, changes in color vision, conjunctivitis (increased redness of the eye), dim vision, eye pain, glaucoma, photophobia, watery eyes

UROGENITAL: abnormal ejaculation, priapism (including prolonged or painful erections)

If even half of these things happen, the poor guy won't need a pill to help him get aroused, he'll need a miracle.

The ads closed by saying something along the lines of " "Call your doctor if you experience an erection lasting more than four hours." to which I say this:

If I ever have an erection that lasts more than four hours, I'm not calling my doctor.

I'm calling everyone I know.