Wednesday, January 31, 2007

An Open Letter to the CSI: Miami Writers

Dear CSI: Miami Writers:

I'll grant you that I'm not a very talented writer. That's obvious to anyone who reads this blog. However, I'm not a professional writer. You are and you know you can do better.

Let's leave the plots alone for now as I realize that they are more believable than, for example, any episode of Murder She Wrote. It's the dialogue I have a problem with. Here are a few choice examples:

“You almost made it, didn't you baby?” Chief Medical Examiner Alexx Woods (Khandi Alexander) as she strokes the hair of a young lady who died while crawling to the exit of a club that had turned into a fiery inferno.

See? That's not dramatic, compelling, or even sympathetic. It's just really creepy and bordering on necrophilia.

“He's really old. Like 35 or something” a 20-something-year-old model referring to a photographer.”

Now I'll grant you that might have hit a nerve with me considering my impending mid-life crisis, but do people really say things like that?

I could go on and on, but I'm trying my best to forget most of what I've heard. If there’s one message that I'd like you to take away from this letter, it's this:

Have some pride, people.

Thanks.

Your Friend,

Joe

P.S. - I recognize that you can’t do much about his acting ability (or lack thereof) but can you at least add some notes to the script to tell David Caruso to keep his head upright? It tilts to the side so often that I'm constantly distracted by thoughts that he must have suffered some type of horrible neck injury an an earlier episode.

P.P.S. - On a related note, why couldn't you talk Khandi Alexander out of her facelift? She used to look great on News Radio and ER, but now she looks like a 60 year old version of Lucy Liu. Notwithstanding the issues outlined above, you folks are supposed to be good with words. Why didn't one of you intervene?