Wednesday, February 28, 2007


Chuck Klosterman kicked off his book "Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs" with an essay in which he theorized :

"It appears that countless women born between the years of 1965 and 1978 are in love with John Cusack. I cannot fathom how he isn't the number-one box-office star in America, because every straight girl I know would sell her soul to share a milkshake with that motherf**ker. For upwardly mobile women in their twenties and thirties, John Cusack is the neo-Elvis..."

As I idly considered all forms of torture that would be preferable to listening to Hugh Grant sing, it struck me that the female equivalent of John Cusack might very well be Drew Barrymore. If her movie roles are anything to go by, she's an attractive, intelligent, sweet, somewhat innocent woman who can not only kick ass, but with whom you can also regularly broach the subject of "sleepovers" with Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu, secure in the knowledge that even if she gets upset(which she almost invariably will given the aforementioned innocence) she'll forget everything by the next morning.

And, when it comes right down to it, isn't that pretty much what every man wants in a woman?1

1 I'm kidding, of course. We all know that all a man really wants is a partner with whom he can grow old as they bask in the glow of their love for one another and blah, blah, blah.