Friday, February 16, 2007

The Week in Pictures LXXV

Random Friday Thoughts:

In a sad commentary on my life, I spent Valentine's Day dinner the Executive VP of Human Resources and a VP of Human Resources. Nothing says romance like three guys at a steakhouse.

Thank God for the long weekend ahead. Having no life at all should permit me plenty of time to read and relax over the next few days. After the past few weeks, I really need something to help me de-stress.

I really need to stop being a nice guy. Too many people seem to mistake niceness for weakness.

Dumbass that I am, I slipped on the ice while hurrying for the train this morning. The lesson taken from that was that it's amazing how quickly you can utter the word "f**k" while in midair.

What the hell is "Steel Cut Oatmeal" and why would I want to pay $4.00 for it?

Let's move on to the WiP:

Cartoon star Bugs Bunny is being sought for questioning after eyewitnesses reported seeing him abduct a man identified by associates as a hunter named Elmer Fudd.

Ricky Martin dropped by the White House to give President Bush a few tips on performing fellatio.

Dismayed at the lack of paparazzi following her every move, Paris Hilton was reduced to snapping pictures of herself during a recent shopping trip.

An enterprising young man who wanted to impress his girlfriend allowed his friends to repeatedly punch him in the kidneys so that he could pee a romantic red message in the snow.

The Internet crashed briefly on Valentine's Day when billions of people posted sickeningly cute pictures of animals kissing.

Archaeologists in Florida have uncovered what they believe to be some sort of ancient athletic field.

Fashion week in New York City closed with shows featuring Curious George's winter line...

...and the latest in Ninja Wear.

Motorola's new Razr 9mm is becoming increasingly popular among women who are tired of men yelling "Yo Chula! I can get your number?!?" as they cross the street.

Women no longer need to worry about running out of toilet paper in public restrooms with the release of the new "Scotts Extra Soft Tissue Hat" line.

A farmer who operates in the shadow of the new nuclear reactor in Beijing has suddenly begun to grow record sized tomatoes.

Troops in Iraq are attempting to bond with the locals by engaging them in games like "Simon Sez."

In sports, the ExxonMobil Oil Spill swimming championships kicked off this week.

Television stations all over the New York area have breathlessly devoted entire newscasts this week to a strange phenomenon in which a white, powdery substance fell from the sky for a few hours.

A woman once shunned from her village for being the product of a union between a woman and a zebra is now the highest grossing model in the world.

In other bestiality news, a scientist in China is said to have fathered at least a dozen panda cubs.

There is evidence to suggest that he plied the mothers with alcohol before sleeping with them.

A Wisconsin man has filed for divorce from a 72-inch, 102-pound sturgeon that he married while under the drunken impression that it was a mermaid.

And finally, the rufous treepie bird won the prestigious "2007 Most Well Endowed Avian" award.