Friday, April 20, 2007

The Week in Pictures LXXXI

Random Friday Thoughts:

As I type this, I'm listening to music drifting up from the EarthFair that's being held on the street below and let me tell you, you've never really hated the song "Owner of a Lonely Heart" until you've heard a 10 minute version being played by a really bad cover band 17 floors down.

For a moment this morning, I fear that a nuclear meltdown was upon us, but then I realized that it was merely the sun coming out for the first time in, I believe, 11 months. Not only that, but it's also near 70 degrees (I think that's about 600 celsius, Braleigh) after hovering in the 40s for most of the last few weeks.

Softball season kicks off on Sunday. I can't wait to hear the crack of the bat, the ball smacking into a leather mitt, and the first beer being opened at around 10:30 a.m. If all goes well, I should be over my hangover by the time Family Guy comes on that night.

The cover band just wrapped up with a towering wall of sound, finally reaching a crescendo that threatened to tear down the very walls of not only this building, but of every one in the area, reducing the man-made canyon in which they played to a mere pile of rubble.

When they finished, there was stunned silence for an instant before the crowd let out it's collective breath and said "Thank God that's over, now I can enjoy the fair."

Let's move on to the WiP:

In our top story, Hell froze over last night.

PETA has lodged a formal complaint against a Midwest traveling carnival that's using real ferrets for their "Whack A Mole" game.

Ronald McDonald was arrested for public indecency after being caught soliciting sex in a local park.

The story took a tragic turn when the disgraced fast-food chain spokesclown hanged himself in the same park shortly after being released on bail.

A few enterprising farmers are trying to develop cattle that barbecue themselves in the sun.

The Russian Space Agency held a pre-launch celebration for the Soyuz TMA 10 which culminated in the christening the spacecraft with beautiful arcs of glow in the dark urine.

A former hippie who hadn't driven or washed his Volkswagen Van since he attended Woodstock in 1969 is reportedly "thrilled" with the look the vehicle has developed over the years.

The North Korean Leapfrog team pronounced itself World Champions after learning that no other country even fields a team.

Gratuitous picture of Jessica Alba.

Abstinence advocates are developing what they believe to be the world's only fear-based birth control device.

Jerry Springer Show participants set what is believed to be a world record for most chairs tossed in a single episode.

Still flush from their takeover of Congress, Democrats in the Senate are paying back their Republican counterparts for years of humiliation by making them walk and clean up after the Democratic party mascot.

A weightlifter finds himself a foot shorter this morning after his body was compressed during the clean and jerk competition at the European Weightlifting Championships.

And finally, boa ties are the hot new accessory this spring.