Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The Kellogg's Code

Given that my assistant was on vacation, I gave the folks at Kellogg's the benefit of the doubt yesterday and assumed that they'd been unable to reach me and were sensitive about leaving a message at my place of business. To be honest, I admire their professionalism.

I spent the better part of yesterday afternoon emailing and calling their corporate offices to discuss their interest in my idea. This morning I was rewarded with a cease and desist order from their legal team .

A person of less intellect than I might be dissuaded by their communique, but after perusing the letter (and the accompanying restraining order) I quickly realized that it was nothing more than a coded message designed to trick their competitors into thinking that Kellogg's had no interest in my idea.

"Restraining Order" for example, was an anagram for "Garrison Trendier" which meant that they felt that my new breakfast was going to put their Battle Creek headquarters (Get it? Battle Creek = Garrison. Very clever) on the cutting edge of breakfast cuisine.

"Cease and Desist" was a little tougher to decode. At first, I was convinced that it was "Ace Dense Sadist." Ace was clearly a nod to my brilliance, and the rationale behind Dense was fairly obvious to anyone that knows me. But the Sadist part was confusing. Did they think it cruel to drown their precious Mini-Wheats in yogurt? If so, why was it okay to drown them in milk?

I was baffled and about to give up hope when suddenly the clouds lifted and the words "Seaside Descant" appeared as if by magic. Seaside is, of course, a nod to the fact that I live on Long Island and work on the island of Manhattan. Descant - for those of you lacking in musical knowledge - refers to an ornamental melody or counterpoint sung or played above a theme - just as my Mini-Wheats 'n Yogurt idea is head and shoulders above anything on the market today.

Brilliant.

Two can play at that game, so I expressed both my interest and admiration by sending back an anagram of my own which read "I hate you f**kers."

How do long you suppose it will take them to they figure out 'Freakish, cute you?'