Wednesday, September 26, 2007

An Open Letter to Canada

Dear Canada,

Its not that we don't appreciate the oil. We really do - and I can only imagine what gas prices were to look like were it not for the 1.6 million barrels per day that you export to us.

And it's difficult to imagine a more polite and friendly neighbor to our North. In your own quiet and unassuming way, you've made significant contributions to out culture. I mean, there's hockey, which has allowed the NBA to crow that its our country's third most popular professional sports league. 1 There's also Michael J. Fox and...um...curling...and...erm...I'm sure a lot of other wonderful things.

Oh, I almost forgot Canadian Bacon - without which our Egg McMuffin sandwiches would seem so much less exotic!

Anyway, my point is that we value you and the spirit of friendship and cooperation that allowed our countries to share what had been for many years the longest unguarded border in the world.2

But WTF Canada? Its nearly October and its about 90 degrees here today and so humid that I had to dry off before getting into my shower this morning.

So with all due respect I'd appreciate it if you'd spend a little less time trying to wring a few more precious days of wholesome Canadian fun up in Banff - and a little more time sending cold air masses our way.

In return, we'll give you two weeks off in February, and we'll forget all about that Celine Dion thing.

Your friend,

Joe

1 And no, NHL fans, the WNBA doesn't really count.

2 Its amazing how things you learned in elementary school sometimes stick with you.