Wednesday, November 07, 2007

An Open Letter to England

I left the previous post up for a while in the hopes of finally reaching the coveted '99 Luftballoons' level in my comments, but alas, t'was not to be as we topped out 60 so I'm left with no choice but to post again, this time addressing Great Britain in response to Melinda's comment.

Dear Great Britain,

As part of a promotional initiative in my most recent post , I gave away cars1 to my readers. As a result of your arcane traffic laws, one of those readers, Melinda, is unable to use the vehicle and has offered to return it. The purpose of this letter is to encourage you to alter said laws so that Melinda can keep the car.

Now I realize the massive costs that would be involved in reworking your infrastructure and re-training your drivers, but when it comes right down to it you have a lot more money than I do.2 Even when viewed as a percentage of income (or GDP in your case), it remains significantly cost effective for you to undertake this effort than it would be for me to pay to either ship the car back here or have it modified so that it can be driven there.

However, in the end it all comes down to one compelling argument. You drive on the left side of the road and, as many of us are aware, the word ‘left’ derives from the Latin word sinister. We drive on the right side of the road, which any thesaurus will tell you, is synonymous with “correct.”

Q.E.D as your people might say.

I recognize that you can’t make this change overnight, so let’s just set December 31 of this year as the deadline to have this completed. Please also be aware that until you resolve this issue to my satisfaction, you will be merely Good Britain in my eyes.

I’m here if you need help.

Your Friend,


1 Actually, I gave away car keys. Little did I suspect that Melinda would find the car to which the key belongs. I can only hope the owner hasn't discovered the theft and called the police on her by now.

2 And that’s not even considering the current value of the dollar against the pound which is at it's lowest point since a pre-pedophile Michael Jackson was rocking the charts with his Thriller album.3

3'Cause This Is Thriller, Thriller Night / There Ain't No Second Chance Against The Thing With Forty Eyes / You Know It's Thriller, Thriller Night / You're Fighting For Your Life Inside Of Killer, Thriller Tonight.