Monday, March 17, 2008

Water World

A few days ago the Associated Press published the results of an investigation which revealed that trace amounts of pharmaceuticals were present in the drinking water supplies of twenty-four major metropolitan areas.

One reaction to news of this sort might be to pledge to drink only bottled water from now on - conveniently ignoring the fact that there are no federal standards for acceptable levels of pharmaceutical residue in bottled water nor is the water treated or tested for them. In fact, I'd argue that this news would indicate that you should drink more tap water. Doing so in Philadelphia, for example, would safeguard you to some degree from pain, high cholesterol, asthma, epilepsy, mental illness and heart problems.

As for the cities named in the study, I think they're missing out on a tremendous marketing opportunity. If I were the mayor of San Francisco and I learned that a sex hormone was detected in my city's drinking water, you can bet that I'd have "SanFran-Up" on the shelves of every store in America by now. When the drinking water for Washington, D.C. and surrounding areas tested positive for six pharmaceuticals, I'd have bottled up some Washington, OCD. And if they ever find traces of sedatives in the Emerald City's water supply, I'll be the first to suggest SleepAddled's Best.

Anyway, while you ponder the wisdom of my proposal, I'm going to get myself a glass of good old fashioned NYC tap. From what I gather, it's chock full of trace concentrations of estrogen, heart medicine, infection fighters, anti-convulsants, a mood stabilizer and a tranquilizer.

Come to think of it, the last two must explain why I'm so calm about my increasing breast size brought on by the first one.