Thursday, May 29, 2008

Dark Matter

"But that's why I don't like movies so much. There's always a scene where someone starts crying and tells someone else about his deep, dark secret. It always happens. But in the real world you keep the secret to yourself. The darker it is, the more you try to keep it to yourself, the more you'll try to keep it from the people you love the most because they might stop loving you if they knew. You might think about it but you never tell anyone. Isn't that why they call it a secret in the first place?" - Michael Kun

After reading that that yesterday and I put the book down for a moment and wondered if people really do have dark secrets.

At my last job there was a little guy (about 5'5) who was the assistant to the Vice Chair. He used to bully and taunt the women that worked around him. He'd make racially insensitive remarks to the woman that sat next to him, he'd turn down the phone of the hearing impaired woman who sat on the other side of him. He'd make anti-religious remarks such as "The devil be with you" to a devoutly religious office services clerk that delivered our mail. Finally against all odds - and proving that there may, indeed, be someone for everyone, a woman at work dated him. She soon saw him for what he is, and eventually he hounded her until she filed harassment charges against him.

He thought he had position power because he worked for the Vice Chair. But if you thought about it for a moment, you realized that he wasn't the Vice Chair, he was the Vice Chair's secretary. As his HR person, I had to deal with issues related to him nearly every day and, like most bullies, he ran and hid when confronted. His secret was his deep level of self-loathing, which caused him to pick on people the way I'm sure he was picked on outside of work.

The last woman I dated seriously before SSC also had a dark secret which, interestingly enough, was the boyfriend she had on the side while she was dating. I later discovered that this was the same boyfriend she had one the side while she dated the guy she was with before me. I suppose the fact that she continually went away of vacations with her "best friend" - including one time in which I awoke from surgery to a voice mail from her saying that they were going on a last minute trip to Malaysia and that she'd see me in a few weeks.

She always worried about what people thought of her and, as a result, worked hard to make her exes seem like the bad guys in their breakups. What she never realized is that what people think doesn't matter, it's what you do that really matters. People are smart and eventually the truth comes to light.

So do I have a secret? Of course I do - and its huge. I'm not ready to share it yet, though.

But keep in mind the last secret that I disclosed to the blog world and you'll quickly realize that those are the types of secrets I prefer. The things that you aren't ready to share with the world, but that make you smile each time you think of them. To me, those are far better than the ones that make you turn ugly with fear and hatred.

So blog readers, what secrets do you have? Its okay. I won't tell. I'm terrified at the thought of what Grant might write.