Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Keywordsmithing - Part I

I was joking yesterday when I wrote about increasing my hit count, but as you can see on the rather (oddly appropriate) phallic looking graph on the left the good people (and by that I mean the lonely males) on the inter-web seem to have taken me seriously and delivered more hits than a BDSM club on a Friday night.

Erm...not that I'd know anything about that.

So for those of you disappointed by yesterday's lack of nude photos of Erica Cerra (and that phrase alone should add another spike to the graph) I can only say - as the impotent man said to his doctor - "No hard feelings."

The main reason I was looking at the keyword analysis was to write another post like this one, in which I take some of the more interesting keyword results and add my commentary (in italics) for each. There were so many that I have to split it into two posts, so stay tuned tomorrow (or completely avoid this blog tomorrow) for the second half.

airborne stranger
He swooped in, saved my life, and all he left behind was this silver feather.

female bodybuilder limerick
There once was a woman from Brussels / Who spent all her time building muscles…

working out makes me horny
And then all I can think about is female bodybuilder limericks.

cup o' joe clothes
Show the world that you...erm…have no life.

chuck norris drink cups
Get your teeth knocked out as you satisfy your thirst!

yankees sign to color
Hours of fun for the entire family!

cup o joe voice over
When just reading this blog isn't painful enough…

not my cup o' joe
The sentiments of most people who stumble across this blog.

joe shrank cup o joe
And readers were never happier.

penis championships
I can only imagine how painful the Taekwondo events must be.

football goalkeeper penis accidentally unveiled
Thus earning him a spot in the aforementioned championships.

french gymnast wets herself
Ah, the excitement of competition.

mexico donkey fellatio
Another Olympic sport that just didn't make the cut.

synchronized diving conjoined twins
Pretty much a lock for the gold, I’d imagine.

interview arborist
So the world wants to know, how do you get your trees to be so darn leafy?

massage my father's
I’ll give you $100,000 if you promise to not finish that sentence.

venus williams nipple piercing
I think she may have just taken her budding fashion empire just a bit too far.

eighty year old hides in unsuspecting family's attic
“At first I thought it was a squirrel, but then I noticed all of these empty tubes of denture adhesive”

writing letters in canada opening
Might I suggest “Dear Canadians”?

my desk rules
Rule one: No diving; Rule two: Under no circumstances is any work to be placed on this surface…