Friday, January 30, 2009

Mail Enhancement

More in my continuing series of emails to strangers who insist on trying to give me money:

From: ""
Sent: Monday, January 19, 2009 6:03:53 PM
Subject: winners

The sum of £891,934.00 pounds has won by your E-MAIL Do get back to this office with your information
Names :
Conntry :
Occupation :
Age :
Sex :

Dear Mich (c/o uknational5),

Allow me to begin by apologizing for reading a message that was clearly intended for my E-MAIL. I can't tell you how often that happens, and it's been causing quite a strain in our relationship. In order to avoid confusion in the future, it might be helpful if you were to add something along the lines of (for Joe) or (for Joe's E-MAIL) in the subject line of all future correspondence.

Anyway, I'm quite happy about my E-MAIL's good fortune. Frankly, I probably would have been a bit more envious had I not been informed yesterday that I will be receiving $800,000 once I can resolve a delivery problem with FedEx.

That said, I must confess that I have some concerns about this sudden windfall because my E-MAIL has been acting somewhat erratically lately (e.g., misplacing messages, failing to deliver my Today's Papers message from Slate until late in the day, changing its name from e-mail to the more narcissistic E-MAIL) and I'm worried that the influx of cash will push him over the edge into more destructive behavior - including some that may lead to it contracting some nasty viruses.

As an example, it just sent me an e-mail (from E-MAIL - ha, ha) telling me that it's taking the rest of the day off and won't be available this weekend because it's heading to Amsterdam.

There's going be no living with it now.

Your Friend,


P.S. I notice that you misspelled "Country" in your message. Are you sure you're not trying to "Con" me? lol